oneshot dedicated to BLISSJIN happy birthday sarang !
note:i wanted to make a fluff oneshot for you, but i felt quite sad when i wrote this, so is this okay?
happy birthday to the fluffiest, generous human being who's turning 17 today.
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love yourself • kimseokjin angst! ---》¤《---
in life, we all have a purpose, God said. but why can't i seem to find mine? it's like i'm born to be experimented of how long i could be alive from all the emotional and physical bruises.
far long I can remember, my life consisted of stress and punishment. at the young age, the school i went to bullied me for being different, in terms of being poor and survive with only few dollars that lasted for a day. my mother had to work full time, leaving me alone at home at the weekends.
as i grew up towards middle school, the bullying hasn't stopped at all. it grew more emotionally triggering rather than physical kicks, that scaring period is where i changed completely in terms of how i view my life. financially, my dad and mom job were stable enough to suit our basic needs, not needing to worry about being broke.
fast forwarding to the high school, i redeemed the title of an outcast. no one dared to talked, bullied me or anything. they avoided me like i'm the plague. the scar hasn't healed; in fact I have to combat with my mental self to stop shouting out negative remarks about myself. i didn't tell anyone, not even my parents. i feel my mental state consumed me, causing to grow restless at night, and being exhausted at the morning. i can't stop myself from crying at school, as my normal tactic is to hide myself in the last stall of the bathroom that no one dared to interrupt my crying session.
and it didn't help when my parents were against me, always remarked me as a 'lazy woman' who wouldn't do anything except being on the phone 24/7. i personally felt like shit. my limbs were hurting and my knuckles bled from punching the bathroom tiles when i'm showering. no one cared or noticed.
my life felt it had no purpose. the constant pressure from my parents to do well at school and the consequences for that my mental health degradation. I couldn't even control my own life or responses.
it all ended when i met this boy at the peculiar time, right in the middle of my sadness session, at the corner of the school building. my figure all crumbled up, trying not to cry as i kept doing deep breathes to calm myself down. the hollow footsteps that kept me bringing away from negativity, coming closer. i peeked a little to glance at the pitiful person.
I remembered his face; it was godly and flawless, and lips that held a warm smile, which I find reassuring. i wiped my pooling at my already soiled sleeve, holding back rapid waterfalls from my eyes.
"why are you crying?" he asked, his presence now sat beside me. i was astonished. why did he took his time to waste on someone like me?
i chose not to reply as i resumed curling up into a ball, in hopes for him to go away from my posture. he didn't go away; however his muscular arms wrapped around me, one petting my greasy hair softly.
"I know how hard it is to love yourself, but i want to help you." he whispered into my ears, causing goosebumps to raise as his words stuck my heart to its core, enough of me to cry and to cause my breathing to be uneven, again.
his rough fingertips made contact with my bumpy cheeks, wiping the streak of liquid salt away. i felt his glance at me, something i couldn't quite put into words, but definitely not pity.
"i'll help you to see the light within you. trust me."
"i promise."
----》¤《----
i based this oneshot out of mine and my mother's childhood combined together. so, this is out of experience during the recent hiatus and seokjin is portrayed as my one part of mind that keeps me living and alive.
i want to say to the people who's struggling through tough times that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel and all it takes is determination and not giving up.
