Survival of the fittest

Chapter 2.

I wasn't surprised when my doctor told me that my brain cancer only had gotten worse the next day when I arrived for my chemotherapy. Apparently, the treatments that I'm getting along with a lot of different pills refuses to collaborate with my brain cancer and instead of curing it, it somehow makes it worse instead. The horrible news about my disease made my parents devastated, but it was like I didn't feel a thing. I knew that my brain cancer had gotten worse since my last treatment, but I tried to play it off, like I always do. Besides, I only have myself to blame. If I would stop smoking weed and getting drunk every damn day, I would probably feel much more better and wouldn't have to worry about the annoying fact that I actually might die tomorrow. When our conversation with my doctor finally had ended and the three of us could return back home, I had gotten signed up for a new stupid chemotherapy and also gotten a prescription for new pills that my doctor thought would work. For some reason, I seriously think that all of the pills are the worst thing about having cancer. It's a daily reminder that no matter what I do, I'll always be sick. A whole day can pass by where I feel completely normal but when I return back home and the pills are laying there, waiting for me, everything is back to normal and I'm the same unlucky cancer patient I was when I left.
- Are you okay?
The worried voice of my mother made me turn my attention towards where she was sitting beside me in the driver seat of her car. She looked at me with a concerned expression and I could still see how her eyes were glassy from all the crying she had done for about 20 minutes ago.
- I'm fine, I muttered
I carefully leaned my head against the window where I was sitting in the passenger seat and watched how the ugly landscape passed by as we drove back home. My dad sat alone in the backseat, probably already sleeping due all the feelings that he expressed earlier at the hospital.
- Magnus, you don't have to stay strong in front of me. I knew that the horrible news about your cancer affects you too, my mother said
- I don't want to talk about it
- I'm really sorry, but you don't have a choice. You need to start taking your disease a lot more serious
- Mum, can we please not do this right now? It's been a very long day and I'm really tired, I answered
- Fine, but can you promise me that you'll take it easy with the alcohol for a while? Your life depends on it
- I promise
When we finally arrived back home, I immediately walked up the stairs and continued into my room and closed the door behind me. I could hear how my mother called my name, but I felt too exhausted to answer. Instead, I collapsed on my bed and closed my tired eyes. The throbbing pain in my head was absolutely horrible and all I really wanted to do was to sleep forever and forget all about this disgusting day. Unfortunately, I have to return back to the hospital tomorrow for my first treatment of my new chemotherapy. The thought of returning back to that enormous building that I knew all too well made me feel even worse, but I knew that I didn't have any other choice. If I wouldn't show up for my treatment, the few months that I have left would probably turn out to be a lot fewer, which I really don't want. It's not like I'm afraid of dying or something, but one of my best friends, Raphael Santiago, borrowed some money from me last week and I would really appreciate if if I was still alive when he decides to give those money back to me. A loud knock on my door startled me and when I opened my eyes, I saw how my mother walked into my room. Instead of the clothes that she wore earlier at the hospital, she was now wearing a pair of sweatpants and a shirt that hung lose over her shoulders. It's not something that I'm used to see her wearing, but she looked really stunning as always.
- Aren't you going to eat? She asked
- No, I answered
She walked over to my bed and carefully dragged her soft hand through my raven black hair.
- Magnus, food is important
- Not when it makes me want to throw up all over the floor and make a disgusting mess, I said and sighed
- You're not going to get any better if you refuse to eat and you know that, my mother answered and carefully sat down on the bed beside me
- I'm not going to get better and you know what. It doesn't matter what I do because when it all comes to an end, I'll still have brain cancer
- Magnus, why are you saying that?
- It's the truth, I answered
As an answer, my mother let out a loud sigh and looked at me with disappointing eyes. I knew that she wanted me to have a little bit of faith, but I already knew my destiny.
- Since you don't want anything for dinner, at least try to get some sleep
With those last words spoken, my mother took one last look at me and thereafter, she walked out of my room and left me all alone. At first, I listened to her advice and tried to fall asleep, but when I quickly realised that sleeping wasn't an option, I stood up from my bed and walked over to my closer. As I opened it, I made sure that I was completely alone in my room and after that, I opened a small box where I kept my weed. I knew that smoking weed is a horrible idea, especially since I have brain cancer and all, but I'm going to die anyways so what's the point? Besides, smoking weed calms my nerves and when I'm done, I'll be able to fall asleep like nothing happened. Twenty minutes later and I was higher than a fucking building. The whole room was spinning like crazy and I almost got myself killed while I stumbled over to my bed. The horrible throbbing pain in my head had finally disappeared and when my head landed on my pillow, I was gone in only a couple of seconds.

// TBC \\