Whisper (Harry Styles)

Chapter 22

People write books for everything. There are books on how to be a mother, on how to cook, on how to play chess, there are books on how to steal; but I don't think that anyone has taken the time to write a book called 'how to face a person you had a one night stand with.' Or maybe it's my fault cause I haven't taken the time to read all the books in the world.

It hurts when someone throws a book at your face, but right now I don't give a flying fuck if the kind of book I desperately need to read right now is thrown at my face. I just need to read it.

I am sitting on the kitchen counter, my right leg is shaking like it always does when I am anxious or something. Why am I here staring at nothing for what feels like the thousandth time in a month? Because I am scared. Scared of facing Harry when he finally arrives to the house from freaking Harvard.

I don't even know the reason why I am scared, all I know is that I will let him make the first move, if there is going to be one. Relax, you stupid, my subconscious rudely tells me, you are the one who got yourself in this mess, none of this would have happened if you had the least bit of respect for yourself.

I do have respect for myself. Yes, I don't see sex as a big deal like a lot of girls do, wanting to lose their virginity until they get married and all that shit; but I do resepect myself.

Tell me two things you do that show that you respect yourself. Won't she just shut up?

Not listening to you is a big step, I mentally tell her. I need to stop talking to myself.

It actually is understandable that I am kind of nervous to face Harry, it was the first 'one night stand' that I have ever had and I enjoyed it, I can say that without hesitating.

As I am trying to calm the demons inside of me and telling them to stop messing with my subconscious and my thoughts, I hear the front door close.

Oh my God.

He is here.

I don't move a muscle.

I am not planning to move from here.

"I somehow knew that I would find you here." I hear Harry's voice behind me say. I turn around to find him in a red Harvard sweatshirt and dark skinny jeans. Oh, the envy. He is leaning against the door frame, an eyebrow raised. I thought that he wasn't even going to say a word to me... this is a good sign, isn't it? His hair is pulled off of his forehead by an opaque green bandanna. I give him a small smile and he returns it to me.

"Why is that?" I decide to carry on with the conversation.

"Because you are always here. Why else would it be?"

"There isn't a variety of places where I can be," I shrug and finish my glass of orange juice "I am your prisoner, remember?"

He just looks at me, his expression unreadable. A frown takes over his features and I just feel like kissing it away at that moment. But I don't do it, like any other thing I have thought of doing.

"You make it sound like if it was the worst thing in the world." He says, leaning on the kitchen counter, close to me. I shrug again.

"I don't. But it's not good either."

"It's not good?"

"It isn't."

The smirk that's playing on his lips, it's just enough to melt my insides. It's a seductive smirk, it's also intimidating. More sexy than intimidating.

"That's not what you were shouting last night." Somehow I knew that he was going to say that. I knew it, but his words make me spit the water I was about to swallow. He starts laughing like a mad man, and even though my clothes are now a bit wet and I will have to go grab the mop and clean the mess I made, his laughter seems like a lovely sound to me at the moment. He points me with his index finger, his face is now red because of the laughter and I think he is going to choke if he doesn't stop laughing.

I am frowning and not laughing at all. Just looking at him with a frown, which I am sure makes me look stupid. He stops laughing once and for all.

"Seriously?" I spit.

"I am being serious." He is trying not to laugh and the expression he has on his face, with a huge and silly grin, is one of the most adorable things I have ever seen. He is just adorable, he is hot, damn he is by far one of the hottest men I have ever come close to; but you can't just deny the fact that he is adorable, his dimples and his pink cheeks are just from another world, and his laughter, oh, I could use it as my ringtone and never ever get tired of listening to it. "You are too cute." He tells me, leaning closer to me, trying to kiss me. I playfully turn my face and his lips land on my cheek. I feel his tongue coming out of his mouth, licking me.

"Ew! Harry what the fuck?" I say, a little louder than usual.

"Oh come on, you love my tongue." He whispers.

"Why are you whispering?" I ask him. He puts his index finger on my lips, silencing me.

"Remember that even the walls can hear us." He murmurs and then plants a soft kiss on my lips, silencing me again.

This time I let my lips collide with his. His tongue goes out of his mouth again, only that this time it meets with mine. He suddenly grabs me by the hips and places me on top of the kitchen counter. I spread my legs open so he stand between them as we make out. His hands never leave my hips, mine are placed on his soft hair, removing the bandanna.

Harry leans his head to his right side, careful not to break the kiss. He lets out a throaty moan when I swirl my tongue, he does the same to me and I, like him, let out a soft moan.

I feel everything heating up. My body, his, my eyes, even the kitchen feels hotter. And you know what? It's one of the best feelings in the world. I know it's superficial and it has nothing to do with 'real feelings', it's physical and sexual but it's worth it. And that's what people look for: sensations that are worth feeling. Yes, people say that falling in love is the best thing in the world; I can't deny that because I have never been in love, I thought I was but I wasn't. And yes, the feelings that the heart exudes are the feelings that make your insides tickle and you can't even explain what it feels like; but you can't deny that before love, comes sexual attraction. When it comes to the person you are in love with, you have to be sexually attracted to them. And this feeling, this heat you feel inside your body, is worth fighting for, it's even worth listening to your subconcious smashing her head against a brick wall.

But listening to the silence actually makes it even more worth it. I sometimes hate Harry, sometimes I just want to kill him, sometimes I want to kiss him and grab his length and let him fuck the living crap out of me just to feel close to him, just to feel something; and it is during those times that I don't hear a single word from my raucous demons.

And that's the silence that you fight for everyday.