Chapter 11: The Hard Truth

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Matteo parks the car in front of Gemma's apartment. He leans back in his seat, trying to search for the right words to say.

"Gemma, I-", he starts,"I don't have the words to say that would make this all go away".

She looks down at her lap, her hands tightly wound together. She rewinds the events from the last hour. "Am I crazy? Why did I bring him here? What am I trying to get out of all this"? Her thoughts became rampant and she started feeling a hint of regret bringing him here. She tightened the grip of her hands, her knuckles turning white. Matteo noticed this and placed his hand gently over hers. Gemma finally looked up for the first time since they'd gotten into the car. In all the chaos, she forgot the sadness that lived in Matteo's eyes. He looked genuinely sorry. She searched deeper, getting lost in the darkness of it. In that moment, she knew he was heartbroken. The thought of someone beginning the journey of vulnerability with her was enough to accept this chaos. She had to admit to herself that she cared for him, the chaos was nothing compared to what she was starting to feel.

"I can do this", she finally replies. Matteo is silent, eager for her to elaborate. "I can do this, I want to do this. I want you to know I'm not scared. This, all of this, is okay".

Surprised by her answer, Matteo couldn't let her do this. He thought she was crazy for even trying to make this all okay.

"Gemma, you're fucking crazy! I can't let you ruin your life! This kind of life isn't for everybody and no one can just "accept it"! Haven't you seen enough already!? I fucked up, I screamed into your face, interrogated you over some paranoia! What about all this could possibly make you stay!?", he screamed, trying to understand her.

"YOU, GOD DAMN IT, MATTEO", she screamed back,"YOU'RE THE REASON I CAN ACCEPT THIS". She stops for a second to calm herself down, her hand rubbing her temple. "I'm tired of shutting people out, Matteo and I know you are too. For the first time in my life, I'm willing to give someone a part of me and it's easy with you. This is my decision and I've always made my own choices. After all that you've put me through just now, don't you dare make a decision for me".

Matteo stands there, speechless. He can't muster up the words to counter her argument because she was right. His entire life he's had to make decisions for everybody: his employees, his one-night-stands, himself. He was exhausted too, of trying to rebuild a wall that Gemma was clearly tearing down.

Gemma could still see the uncertainty in his eyes and in a split second impulse decision, she grabs his hand and runs off into the lobby of her apartment building.

"What's going on, what are you-"

"Shhhh", Gemma whispers, placing a finger on her lips. They were no longer running now, but creeping into a hallway. Gemma stands in front of Matteo, smiling.

"What's are you doing?", Matteo asks, confused.

"I know your life is chaotic and dangerous and scary. But my entire life has been boring, lonely, and uneventful. I have no family, no friends. I don't even care about law, I only went majored in it because I thought it would make me feel like I accomplished something, that it would fill a hole in my heart. But no matter what I did, what successes I gave myself, it wasn't enough. I've gone my entire life with no problems of shutting people out and now you come along and everything just becomes so easy and messed up and amazing all at once", Gemma stops to breathe. "But I realized that I'm finally living, really living and I don't want this feeling to go away".

With her monologue finished and not giving Matteo a second to digest her words, Gemma grabs the handle of the fire alarm in between them and pulls. The lights are bright and the alarm rings into their ears. Matteo takes turns looking at Gemma and then the rest of the building as people run out of the building. He looks at her in confusion, wondering what the hell she's trying to do. Now the sprinklers have went off and both of them were getting soaked. Their hair is slicked back and their clothes were heavy with water. Gemma gives Matteo a mischievous look.

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