The person i used to be

Getting it together

The next day i was taken to the hospital and it was then, watching me fight for my life, that everyone seemed to start caring. I thought to myself "Why do they finally pay attention when i try to kill myself?".  I might as well just die since that seems to be the only way i will matter to other people. I was found in the floor by my principal about 27 seconds after and was rused to the hospital. They did whatever they could well i was unconseious and until i woke up there was nothing they could do. It was about 30 minutes later and i a starting to open my eyes again and i saw my mom sitting in the corner crying and the thing is that no one else was in the room but me and ny mom. I thought to  myself maybe she cared about me the entire time and she just  didn't know how to show it so she just didn't showed but she somehow knew how to show it when other people are around so now I'm just confused because she says that I'm just worthless and never should have ben born and that I just make things worse but now I think that she never meant that when she said it I think she just said it because it's what came to mind and because that's how I've always seen her as a mother I've always just seen her a the person who was supposed to love me and take care of me and be there for me and take care of me and everything and maybe if my father hadn't left us then things wouldn't have been this bad because whenever my father was a round she always treated me like a real mother should not like some bully from school. Before my father had left my mother, my mother was the happiest person on earth and she always treated me like nothing bad was ever going to hurt me and I realize now that, that was all just a big lie and that she only said that to make me think that she was never going to do this to me but it was all just a big lie that came from my mothers mouth making me think that she was telling the truth to me and now every day I wonder to myself what else has she lied to me about.