A Song For You

Three

        From: EmmySantos99@gmail.com
        Date: July 10th, 2018 at 7:18 a.m.
        To: Johnny.D@outlook.com
        Subject: Neil Young is definitely a songwriting god

        Hi Johnny,

        That sounds rough. Seriously. But at least they care about you and your career enough to ensure you get "professional help," as your drummer friend so eloquently said. I've had that same conversation before, and I empathize. There's nothing quite like being told you're not able to manage, or mask, your problems. It sounds like your bandmates don't want you to throw it all away or jeopardize future record deals. They probably (hopefully) just want the best for you, and the band, in that order.

        I lost half of my friends after what happened to me. I think a lot of them didn't know what to do... how to be there for me, and they figured it was easier to just give me space. Space turned into weeks, and then months, of silence and nothingness, as it tends to. I wish they'd rallied. I wish they'd fought a little harder for me. I wish I had more than my sister, her boyfriend, and my roommate to rely on.

        I'm honored. You're the first and only person I've corresponded with, too. Yeah, I don't know if I'll post much in the forums. I find that quite intimidating. I don't want everyone knowing my story... being able to read it online. Maybe that's dumb, but it doesn't sit well with me.

        There's nothing more you can say, Johnny. People always think they have to find the right words. Unfortunately, there aren't any. My parents are gone. Life can be wildly unfair, but I try not to dwell on it. They wouldn't want me to. Some days are hard, don't get me wrong, but I have so many happy, good memories of my parents to make me smile, to keep me going.

        True enough. In that case, I won't worry about keeping my replies short (not that I really have been, anyway, oops). Just remember that you asked for it.

        Best wishes,
        Emmy

        P.S. That's good. If it helps any, I believe in you. Can I ask what instrument you play in your band? It's okay if you don't want to answer that. Either way, I'm jealous, because, again, unskilled music lover over here.

        P.P.S. I was. My dad got me into Neil Young's music before he died and Rockin' In The Free World was his favorite song, second to Harvest Moon.

        P.P.P.S. I'd like that.

        From: Johnny.D@outlook.com
        Date: July 10th, 2018 at 10:37 p.m.
        To: EmmySantos99@gmail.com
        Subject: RE: Neil Young is definitely a songwriting god

        Emmy,

        You're right. They have my back, and I should appreciate them more for that. You have shitty friends. I don't know what else to tell you.

        I know you've been very respectful of my privacy, and you haven't questioned my reasons for signing up to Trauma Survivors Unite, but if you ever want to share your story with me, I'm listening. No pressure, of course. Just making sure you know that if you ever did want to talk about anything, I'm open to that. I'm terrible at offering advice, so I won't pretend to be good at it, but I like talking to you, which has to count for something.

        I don't think that's dumb. Can you see me posting in the forums? No. Fuck no. I'm secretive by nature. Being in the public eye doesn't do me any favors. If I had my way, my personal life wouldn't be floating around on the Internet for anyone and everyone to read. I don't blame you for not wanting to broadcast your story on here. Some stories are better shared with those you wholeheartedly trust.

        I know. Life is never fair. I've lost someone, too. Sometimes I feel like I'll never know what it's like to have a good day again, so I'm glad that you can live them for the both of us.

        Talk to you soon,
        Johnny

        P.S. I don't mind answering that. I play guitar and I'm the lead singer, and I write (well, used to write) most of our songs. If you love music, talent isn't always necessary. Passion is. That's what drives you to practice, to persist. I lost my passion, hence why the wheels fell off.

        P.P.S. You have great taste in music, Emmy. So did your dad.

        From: EmmySantos99@gmail.com
        Date: July 11th, 2018 at 9:23 a.m.
        To: Johnny.D@outlook.com
        Subject: Swear I'm not prying, I'm just curious

        Hi Johnny,

        I do tend to attract shitty people. Friends. Boyfriends. You name it. I guess that's why I've been so reluctant to put myself out there again. Once bitten, twice shy.

        Thank you. I'll be sure to keep that in mind. And that does count for something. It almost makes me want to let someone in again, and I haven't felt that for the longest time. I like talking to you, too, which is probably why I'm replying even when I shouldn't be. I have an assignment I still need to finish up for tomorrow's class.

        I'm sorry for your loss. I must sound like a broken record (music pun intended), but whenever you're willing to talk about it with someone who understands, I'm here for you, too.

        I know I said I wouldn't pry, but my curiosity is kind of killing me. Can you tell me more about yourself, Johnny? Any details you'd be comfortable sharing with me, really. It doesn't matter how big or small. Even if it's just what TV show you've been watching lately. I'm always on the hunt for new ones, so feel free to recommend some.

        Best wishes,
        Emmy

        P.S. Wow. That's impressive. It sounds like you're the glue that holds the band together. Spoken like a true artist. I agree that passion trumps talent every time. Passion can return, talent is either there or it isn't. Your passion will return one day, I'm sure.

        P.P.S. What other genres of music do you listen to?