The moment I've been waiting for

Chapter 1

8 months ago

"Hanbin, you ready? Don't make me be late, for fucks sake".

"Hey, hey, calm down, princess. The rappers are not gonna vanish in the air. It's just a battle, ya know?"

"Just a battle my ass. Never been in the underground before, dude. That's my chance, you get it? Being accepted, man. This may be the moment of my life."

"Yeah, Jiwon. I know. You've been on this since you moved back. I got it."

I don't think you do, I say to myself, choosing not to tell him that.

"Well," continued Hanbin "you gotta pick a name, ya know? I heard that's what people around there usually do."

"Oh, I see. Bobby. Just like in the States. In some way, it feels like I'm going to be an outsider once more. It matches."

"Whatever, dude. Bobby it is, then."

So, finally, uh? My heart is racing and I'm way too excited. That's how every boy should feel before his first underground battle. Rap means that, right? To feel. A lot.

We got here on time. Blessed be the Lord! (There I go once more; you can leave the religion, but it never really leaves you). Well, I am not really assured of myself, so it's no surprise my hand began to sweat as I took a look around and saw all those people. To be honest, it's not like a superstar show or something, with thousands and thousands, but I'd say the place is really full.

Show Me The Money was a famous event who took place in one of the dark suburbs of Seoul. I don't think it would be a lie to say the area looks kinda dangerous. Either way, I'm not exactly afraid or anything. We are in Seoul, things tend to be peaceful around here.

So, I'm about to participate on SMTM. Man, I still can't believe I really got through the "audition". Hanbin told me weeks ago about this stuff and a day later I sent to staff's email a video of me rapping. No one – except maybe Hanbin – could even begin to imagine how I freaked out once I got a reply saying I was eligible to participate. This is a fucking dream, man.

My family moved to USA when I was a kid, around 10 years old. Tough time, dude. America isn't really the best in welcome, so no surprise the kids in school would bully me. My bunny teeth and small eyes were a joke to them. Until 15 I swallowed the racism and xenophobia, praying to God help me get a chance to move back to Korea. Rap was one of the few things that helped me endure everything. As I listened and began to wrote my own songs, rap grew to be part of who I am.

Finally, 15 years old Bobby (I had already dropped the Kim Jiwon, being too hard for Americans to pronounciate) got his chance. You see, when we moved my brother stayed behind with an aunt. He was about to go to college, so he got a part-time job to help with the bills and refused to leave his country. Once he had finished his major and got himself a decent well paid job, he kindly asked me if I wanted to transfer back to Korea. I cried all night after saying yes.

I came back in time for the new school year. My brother found me a decent school and just some days after stepping a foot on the holy ground of Korea, I was beginning as a first grade Korean student.

Because my parents never stopped teaching me korean grammar, I was able to keep pace with the others. For the first time in years, I wasn't afraid of getting bullied because I was a foreign. Even though I stayed away for too long and people wouldn't consider me totally korean, instead of bullying me for that they'd just avoid me – politely avoid me, at least.

A month passed by with no great incidents. Learning more and more about my own culture, I started to relax and not worry too much about the "outsider" feeling that popped out in my heart once in a while. One day, at math class, Kim Hanbin asked me a pen. A friendship then was born.

Hanbin is the kind of guy who is not really easy to be with. Not that I found any difficulty in getting along with the first person in Korea who asked if I wanted to grab lunch together. In fact, Bin (as I call him some times) never annoyed me or anything like that. But he's really stubborn and a little harsh – when someone makes a wrong move – so you see, people can mistake him for a difficult person.

In the process of knowing him better, I was also introduced to Kim Donghyuk and Song Yunhyeong. As I got close to those two, I also got to know Song's boyfriend, Jung Chanwoo, but he didn't really stick along with us, being from another school. Three months were all it took for my life to change upside down, as I finally felt like I had somewhere I belong, with people – besides from my family – who were kind to me.

Not long after we began to stick together, Bin told me about SMTM.

One hour passed since we arrived. People around here don't seem to be punctual, that's probably why Hanbin wasn't worried about being late. Anyway, they are finally picking up the names for the battle. Holy fuck, I can hear my heart beating.

There are a total of 48 participants. It was deliberated that twice a month is going to be a battle. The first one will be some sort of warm-up, the second means elimination. The final will be in 4 months, when only 3 of us will have left. Then, each one will have the stage for himself or herself. At the end of the 3 performances, the crowd is gonna vote on the best one. About the battles, there will be judges each month to evaluate us and decide who stays and who says goodbye.

Today is the warm-up. I gotta show them what I'm capable of.