Without you

Chapter 2

"What?"

I'm paralyzed. I don't know what to say or what to do. I don't even know how I'm standing here.

His words just keep resonating in my head making me feel sad, confused, nervous and mad, all at the same time.

It's like a déjà vu.

"This is unexpected. I didn't know about it, I thought they'd give me more time before leave but..."

"How long?" I interrupt him.

He looks at me cautiously like if he's going to say something really bad, well with all of this, I know it is.

"Dag said they want me there as the commandant that I'm. And I have to check, lead..."

"That's not what I asked you" I interrupt again, crossing my arms as I try to calm myself.

I have mixed feelings right now and I don't know how to react. But I don't want to cry, not now, so I just show up my anger.

"I know. I have to leave for about..." he stops as he takes a big breath and looks directly at my eyes "Six months"

I open my eyes and mouth in shock.

What? Did I hear well?

Six months.

SIX MONTHS.

He isn't going to be here for six months. The worst thing is that he's going to be there in danger, something can happen to him and...

Don't think about it Lindsey

I feel tears coming down my cheeks. All the anger I was feeling is gone and it's replaced with worry and sadness.

"Please, don't" he steps closer to me as he puts his left hand on my cheek stroking it "I know what are you thinking, and don't do that. I'm going to be ok. It's like the other times"

I frown "It isn't, Patrick. Now you're leaving for a longer period. How do you know you're going to be well? How do I know?"

I try not to think about this but I can't. The idea of losing him is terrible.

"I'll call you and write you letters, just like always" his grey eyes looks right at mine "Please, I don't want to leave knowing that you're not ok with it"

"I'm gonna be fine" I snap, pulling myseIf away from him "I just..."

"Linds, please" he tries to take my hand but I can't now.

I throw myself on the couch covering my face with my hands as the tears keep falling.

This has to be a nightmare. Why now? Why when everything was perfect? We've just moved here, everything was going good and then, this!

"Hey" he squats and takes away my hands placing them on his shoulders "I hate seeing you like this, I know this is fucked up but we know how to figure this out" I sigh, not wanting to say anything "But..." he closes his eyes

But... But what?

He doesn't say a thing. It seems like he's thinking so much about what he's going to say.

I just look at him, not saying anything until he finally opens his eyes.

"If you don't want me to go, I won't"

I frown. He has said that? Would he stay?  "Would you do that?"

"Yes, for you" 

For me. He'd do that for me.