One•sided•love

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Would it kill you to let go?

I'm surprised. You always managed to surprise me back then and even now.
I'm surprised that all your wrath and all the tiredness I can see in your beautiful face didn't kill you.
But don't you know that nobody can win against time?

Oh how I adored you!
I still do, I swear! But back then I could never think about hurting you, making you upset with anything I do.
Yes, I loved you from the bottom of my heart. Even now, even if there is that dark, rotten wish to see you cry in agony and scream in pain, to make you feel the way I feel, I love you.

Why can't you see?

I only wanted the best for you, I even gave up my life as a human because of my love for you! So I could be beside you!
But you never saw anything else than a tool in me...

Was I really just a replacement for her?

When you came to earth I thought you where interested in me, that just like me, you would want to know more about the way I lived, the way I thought and felt, that you would like to be by my side...
But you only wanted to fill that hole inside you that was once filled with her.
You always told me about her and whenever you did, you had such sad looking eyes. Eyes without hope, without live.
I thought that if it was for you, I could live as a replacement if someday you could love me back.

But I wanted more.

You saw it, right?
All my pure love faded away little by little with every word you threw at me, whenever you wished you never took me to heaven.
Was it even your own wish? Or was it his? Our father found his liking in me because of my blood, but were you ever found of me?
I wanted to see a sign that you like me, that not everything was fake.
The small touches I made, the loving words I said to hear or see even a little reply that showed love inside of you.
But that never came. You became disgusted by me, right? I wasn't her, I disappointed you because I couldn't fix this hole inside you. I wasn't like your pure little butterfly neither was I like all the other holy ones in that garden or up heaven. I would never be, because I am still human. You should have known I couldn't be like her, you should have at least accepted it and start loving me instead, but you didn't and yet...

I'm still waiting.

My pure love became dirty and psychotic.
I wanted you to beg me for forgiveness, to see me, to see that I am as strong as her.
You will start to love me, if you want to or not -and soon you will see my love.
I will fulfill your duties while you sleep, I will take over your place and you will be on my mercy.
But you wouldn't have to worry anymore about anything; duties, heaven and especially her. I would keep you by my side and you could shine as bright as back then, we could rule together you know? No one could stand in our way, not even that brother of yours. If it's you, I could forgive all the pain I felt because of you.  All you need to do is to love me back and everything will be perfect.

Wouldn't it be nice?
You could start a new life and I will help you! Even after you treated me so bad, am I not a nice person? Now you have to love me, right?

The day I asked you if I should sleep beside you, I slept for such a long time but would sleep even a thousand years more just to make you happy, why isn't that enough?

Would it kill you to say yes?
Would it be so bad to love me back?
Would it be a shame to rely on me and let me fix you?

Why do you let me wait for the one answer I wanted to hear since I met you: I love you too.

-Metatron

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