example:
hi, i'm harriet potter. me and my brother harry are the famous potter twins. we're the ones who beat the dark lord voldemort. harry has a lightning scar on his forehead and i have a star shaped scar on my cheek. i am gorgeous and harry just looks like a little nerd. somehow, the dursleys still hate me though and beat me up everyday, way more than harry.
why this is stupid:
how do you have a star shaped scar on your cheek? like, what??? when the dursley's told harry he got his scar in a car crash, he believed them. because, yeah, sure, maybe a piece of broken glass cut into his head and the shape it made looked a little like a lightning bolt. that's believable.
but how could a piece of glass carve a perfect star into your cheek? the dursleys would need to come up with a better lie for her. and the gorgeous/nerd thing,, that's just stupid. they're twins! i know twins aren't always identical, but come on. they're children, too! can you really be so gorgeous if you're like 11?
also HARRIET POTTER?? SERIOUSLY??
how to fix this catastrophe:
maybe be a bit more original. alright, they can be twins. but maybe one of them lives with, say, remus lupin. or maybe the dursleys don't hate both of them. maybe they favour your oc because they haven't done any 'freaky' things (magic). and please use an original name that isn't similar to harry's but could still mean something to lily and james. i'm sick of this cliche.
