What happens when your life is out of your control? You don't ever actually have control over what happens in your life until you're eighteen. When you're eighteen you're an adult, you graduate high school, move out of your parents home and off to college where you live in a dorm and that's when your life truly begins, where every decision that is made is up to you, no adults to say no and rationalize the situation. Sounds pretty great. I wanted to be eighteen because I wanted to make my own decisions. Now eighteen just seems like a number. Like when your dad tells you that you can't have a boyfriend until you're 35, obviously he's joking and clearly being 18 is a joke too. I didn't have control over where I lived or where I went to school, but what I did have control over was my friends the people who I allowed to be in my life and I had control on how they influenced me as a person. Decisions don't start at eighteen, they start when you step foot into a world that you never expected to exist.
Liliana a name that was given to me by my mother. I had no control over that either but I like my name. The meaning a delicate and innocent flower or on urban dictionary "hottest girl you'll ever meet". I never really thought I looked like a Liliana. Lily's are beautiful colorful flowers that everyone loves, what I am is just a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, average height, not too skinny but not thick either. I didn't see anything special about myself. In my eyes Lily's were special and I was just another 17 year old junior on this earth with no purpose.
My life was simple I woke up, went to school, went to dance practice and then I would come home maybe post a picture of me and my girls and then enjoy dinner with my family and then go to sleep and do it all over again the next day. Nothing ever changed it was always the same routine and I was okay with it, I've never been really big on change. It just seems like a pointless thing. If life is good just the way it is then why change it? I didn't understand change. It was this concept of one thing that eventually is another. The unknown part of the change is what scared me. Not like my body is changing type of change but the my life is changing really frightened me. I guess that goes back to control. When I have control over my life I know exactly what will happen next, no surprises and I guess that's why I liked my life the same routine everyday nothing to put me off balance. Balance is just another word for predictable. I know every hour of my day. 8:00am wake up, 2:50pm school ends, 11:00pm bed time. What is time exactly? We live by this concept but we don't even know what it is? I had so many questions about the world and I realized it was because I never actually was part of a world. Well not until now.
"Lily dinner is ready!"
"Okay mom I'll be right down just give me a minute."
My mom was someone I never been really close to I left that for my sister. My mom has been through a lot though her mother died when she was only six years old and then she got pregnant at fifteen and her brothers abandoned her for marrying a black male just to find out her husband cheated on her, and then not too long after the divorce her only family died from lung cancer. Once again me and mom weren't close but I did feel for her and I loved her.
"How does it taste?"
"Real good mom thanks."
My brothers just sat there munching on their mashed potatoes and slowly slipping their broccoli under the table to the dog.
"So there's something I have to tell you guys." My mom's voice was a bit shaky and nervous. I started to feel worried but I didn't think much of it. Thought she might be telling us she had a new boyfriend or something that she made sound bigger than it actually was, my mom was always on the bit dramatic side.
"We're moving to North Carolina." My mom's face had a blunt smile across it as if she was trying to make this move sound good.
"What do you mean we're moving to North Carolina?" I made sure my words came out slow and smoothly just in case I misheard her and she could correct me.
"I think it's time for a fresh start, there's nothing left for us here and I miss my hometown."
"Are you kidding me? You're actually serious right now? There's nothing left for us here? How about all my friends or dance or my school?"
"Oh sweetie there's all that there too I promise."
"I don't care about it there mom my life is here and you can't make me go!"
I stormed up the stairs and slammed my door behind me, I put my face into one of my pillows and screamed as loudly as I possibly could. I hated that my mom just thought about herself in this situation like how could she even make this decision without asking anyone if they were okay with it. I swear I will never forgive her I hate her for this.
