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Chapter twenty one

This is sad

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Mayas pov

"So, that's how it's gonna be each year. On our anniversary, you'll tell me you can't do this anymore because it's Jason's birthday and then I'll have to convince you that it will get better." I said and got a little to aggressive.

Lucas didn't say much. It was like all of his words was taken away from him.

I just felt this one feeling I thought I'd never had to feel again, now that I was with Lucas.

"I don't want to live anymore." I mumbled and walked to take my jacket.

"What?" Lucas suddenly asked and grabbed my arm. His eyes was big.

"So now you care?!" I said.

"You just said you dont want to live!" He said back and tried to keep his voice from become shouting.

"Yeah? Can't you just let me leave like before?"

"No! I won't let you do anything stupid!"

"I could have been thinking the exact same thing all the other times you have let me leave! You don't see that???" I got way more angry than I thought I would become.

Lucas clenched his teeth. His jawline became sharper. I was waiting for him to say something but he didn't.

I just rolled my eyes and left.

I shut the door hard and walked with heavy loud steps straight into the forest. I'm going crazy.

It was wet and chilly. I felt bad but at the same time very upset. I understand how hard it must be for Lucas with Jason gone... but why let that come in the way for everything else.

I dried my tears. I don't know where to go. I have no one now.. my apartment sucks and I can't go back to Lucas'.

If only I could be perfect. Perfect for everybody so everyone would like me. But that's just not how it works.

I blinked a few times to see clearer and my eyes landed on what I thought I'd never find.

"Oh gosh." I said and ran toward it.

I had spotted a blue jacket, and some feet with a wollen greyish clothing.

"Jason!" I screamed and sat down next to the lifeless little boy in front of me. He was cold and I hugged him tight.

His eyes opened up slowly. "Mommy.." he said. His eyes was just like Lucas'. That's amazing. So bright and clear, just like his fathers.

"Oh, no. I'm Maya." I smiled softly.

"Please don't hurt me.." Jason said and he tried to scoop away from me.

I let my thumb stroke his cold cheek gently as I looked him deeply in the eyes. "I will never hurt you. Never."

He snuggled into my chest. "Help me find daddy.." he said.

"Of course, baby boy." I smiled and started crying. I kissed his forehead and stood up. I started walking back the same way I came.

I stroke the beautiful and ice cold boy's check and his eyes was watching me.

"Don't cry. We are okay." His voice was raspy.

I hold him close. "Listen, that's my heartbeat. Does it calms you?" I tried to make him feel better.

"Safe." He said and listened.

I reached Lucas' door and knocked. "Lucas you have to come!" I shouted happily.

I heard his steps. "Hurry up!!!" I said with an overwhelmed and happy voice. My tears fell down as I was admiring Jason.