Why We Try | Book 1

A Million Pieces

"Harry....something's happened." She says, her voice cracking and I immediately realize she's crying.

"Lou calm down, what's happened?" I ask her now feeling sick, worried exactly what her being upset has to do with Jordis...

"It's Stephanie...." she says pausing and letting out a sighed breath from crying so hard, and my mind immediately goes to thinking about the baby, maybe she's gone into preterm labor.... "Harry, she's.....she's gone."

But I was wrong.

Jordis is looking at me with her eyebrows furrowed together, no doubt wondering what's going on....

"Lou what do you mean?" I ask, already expecting the worst.

"Harry she's....they found her dead this morning....you have to bring Jordis here. Alex and their Dad are all here at his home. You have to tell her. Do not take her home. Do not let her go there. I'll explain when you arrive. Please don't take her to her flat. Come straight here okay? I love you and drive carefully." She says hanging up.

I feel burning in the pit of my stomach rising into my throat and I feel I may vomit. How in the bloody hell am I supposed to tell her this?

"Harry?" Gemma says standing next to Jordis...

"Harry, dear what's the matter?" My mum says as she looks at me concerned...

I feel faint.

Jordis looks at me... "Harry.....who was that?" She asks about to cry... fuck.

"Jordis....listen to me okay?...." I stand up and move towards her....

"Harry what's the matter? You're scaring me." She says looking panicked.

"Jordis I need you to listen to me okay?" I ask her and she nods....my hands are sweating as I take her by her wrists... "Baby, uhmm.... it's Stephanie...."

"Oh god has she went into labor? Oh no...oh god, it's too soon though..." She says looking at my mum...

"Jordis....." I shake my head looking down and then back up to her... "Baby they've found her and...." my voice cracks and I can't manage to just get it out..... "they found her body this morning Jordis."

"What? Oh my god." My mum cups her hands over her mouth and Gemma moves closer behind Jordis.

Jordis looks at me as if she's unsure of what I've just said. "Wh...what?" She says as the color leaves her face and her eyes well up with tears.

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The drive to Mr. Brownsell's place was silent except for the faint sounds of Jordis crying with her head rested between her knees on her lap, her face cupped onto her hands.

My heart pounds in my chest and for some reason I can't pull it together to figure out how the hell to comfort her. I feel completely out of body.

This is beyond anything I'd imagine I'd ever have to break to her. I can't stand seeing her this way.

"Jordis.....baby?" I softly say rubbing her back with one hand as I drive with the other. But she doesn't answer me for a few moments.

"Where did they find her Harry? Did Lou tell you?" She asks not moving her face from her lap.

"I don't know everything just yet baby....we're almost there okay?" I try to reassure her.

This twenty minute drive feels like the most excruciating torture I've ever known.