In My Remains

It's like a whirlwind inside of my head

A/N: Errrrrm. Yeah. We are finally getting somewhere. Or rather they are. Cause I still have no idea what they are doing but apparently they are liking it so.... Oh! And if you haven't read yet 'Reading My Eyes' go on and do it. You know you want to read a super angsty piece that will be it in next chapter too ;D And probably several ones in future... Ugh. I need my angst even when writing it breaks my heart.

warning for the smut. Yes.

Enjoy! ;)

------

"There", Mike placed the plate in front of Brad who was sitting on his favorite place on Mike's couch.

Same thing. Every morning. Except that now everything was different. Way more than yesterday. Brad cuddled up instantly under his arm making him spill some of the coffee on his shirt.

"You okay?", Mike chuckled kissing the top of his head.

The other nodded shooting a quick glance at the emcee and dived then to his sandwich. Mike rolled his eyes annoyed that Brad didn't answer. Every single time he didn't answer with words Mike was afraid he had fallen back to the non-speaking state. And that would obviously be his fault then. At least now in the middle of the chaos.

"Are you already waiting for the shows?", he decided to ask.

Brad stopped to think. He wanted to be honest but he wasn't even sure about the answer. Then he sighed and started, "Well yeah. But then again no. I'm scared. And anxious. What if the arm doesn't heal properly? What if the deleted shows and all that backlashes at us? What if I have a mental breakdown and can't do it?"

"That's... What I was afraid of too. You know, when you didn't talk. I wondered what happens if you remain that way and then... well the broken arm is physical thing. I hope it heals. It's not like we can just change a guitarist. But you don't even know how scared I was that you stay that way. Non-talking, passive and really clingy. Not that I would mind the clingy part but with the guys... And during touring... So. Yeah. I was scared. I'm still scared", Mike mumbled.

"Nah you can just play my parts", Brad joked receiving only a stern glare from Mike. "God I'm just joking!"

"I know you are. But in this kind of situation... it wasn't a good one. Even if it would be possible I would never want to do it", the half Asian shook his head and downed the last drops of his coffee and put the mug to the coffee table.

"But that's good Brad. That you want to play. Right? Cause I was afraid also that you wouldn't want to, even if you could", he smiled then.

"I miss my guitars", Brad sighed placing his plate on the table. Empty plate.

Mike stared at it almost gaping and then returned to the subject. "So that leads us to the other subject."

"Mike don't", the other sighed and crawled to sit on his lap, straddling him.

The emcee was taken aback but placed then his hands on Brad's waist.

"We have to talk about it. You know that", he said emitting a deep sigh.

"No we don't. I don't want to", the guitarist shook his head and dipped down to kiss him.

Lips rubbed against his and as the hands reached his silky hair, tilting his head backwards Mike was already a wriggly mess. His heart was pounding and just Brad's scent was driving him insane. His scent, laced with Brad's own natural one.

"Fuck... Brad stop it", Mike gasped and pushed him farther.

"What, why? I thought you...", the guitarist frowned and was about to dive in again but Mike shook his head.