The Swim Back [Gattaca]

Chapter One: Homecoming

Eugene was nine years old and he was a disappointment. He had learned that by this point, he'd learned that it wasn't the things he did that kept disappointing, it was himself. Everything about him was a disappointment. He was supposed to be perfect. He was supposed to be the best at everything, better than everyone and yet, he wasn't. He was never quite the best at anything, not how he should be. He won first place at the science fair, but it wasn't praised as the best thing that had ever been shown. He won first place in debate, had the highest grades in his school, was the top of every class, but it was never quite enough. He won second place in track, was the second best at violin and piano and that was humiliating. He had perfect genes, he had no excuse to be holding a silver medal rather than gold. When he won third place, he knew that had to hide, knew that he didn't deserve the meals that would be held from him and the disgusted looks his parents shot at him. He was supposed to be perfect, but he wasn't. He wasn't the best when he had to be the best, when he should be the best. He was a failure. All those beautiful, shining genes and he was what they got. Eugene was nine years old and he wished that he had never been born.

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The journey back to Earth was a long one, but Vincent was certain that it felt longer than it actually was. He couldn't believe that he was finally going home after so long of living in another world. It was a strange feeling of simultaneous sadness, joy, and confusion. He was going to miss Titan, of that he was certain, but he'd also never been as excited to return to Earth as he was during the journey. He filled the time by imagining what he was going to do once he arrived, planning out the details of reuniting with Eugene. He knew exactly how he was going to greet him, what he was going to say, and how he wanted him to react.

He could picture it perfectly in his mind: Eugene would make some snide remark as soon as Vincent entered the room, trying to hide how much he had missed him. Vincent would laugh it off, knowing how full of shit the valid was and say "It's good to see you too, Eugene," and he'd smile at him. If he was lucky, Eugene wouldn't be able to help smiling back, just the smallest hint of the thing at the corner of his lips. It would make Vincent feel prouder than anything he accomplished in space ever had, knowing that he won. He'd admit how much he'd missed the other man, Eugene would probably just scoff and make more scathing remarks that wouldn't affect him as much as they once did. He'd make sure that Eugene understood, or at least inferred the meaning behind his words, he had this entire speech planned. He'd look into his eyes before kissing him, being so gentle and soft. In the rare cases he allowed himself to fantasize further, Vincent imagined Eugene kissing him back. He pieced together sappy and romantic declarations of love until he construed one he could hear in Eugene's voice.

This was all fantasy; however, and Vincent had no way of knowing how reality would compare. He had hope, hope that his feelings would be returned, hope that he'd at least be able to confess without making an utter fool of himself. He prayed that he wouldn't stumble or stutter or back out due to fear. He could do that much, he had to be able to do that much. He was Vincent Anton Freeman and he had done so much more than admit feelings to someone. This shouldn't make him feel as anxious as it did.

When the ship finally landed and he stepped off of it, Vincent was greeted with cheers and congratulations from coworkers he hadn't seen in a year and civilians who were fascinated by the astronauts and what they did. Vincent smiled at the crowd and shook their hands, scanning each face to see if maybe Eugene had dared come out of his shell to see him arrive. Of course, he hadn't and Vincent tried to hide his disappointment at the realization. It didn't matter if Eugene hadn't come to greet him, he'd see him soon enough.

Irene; however, did greet him and Vincent hadn't prepared nearly enough for the moment of ending the relationship. He swallowed and tried to get the words out when he was saved by Irene ending it herself, declaring that they weren't the proper fit for one another. Vincent was surprised, but thankful that the burden didn't fall onto him. He smiled at her and went through all the mandatory tests that came with returning to Earth from outside of the planet. He had carefully prepared anything with DNA, having scrubbed his skin and planned carefully for the moment of arrival. Legally, Jerome Morrow had returned to Earth.

It took hours for Vincent to finally be released after what feels like hundreds of tests. He was relieved to be exiting the building, taking off towards the flat he shared with Eugene. His heart hammered wildly in his chest the closer he stepped towards the front door. He took a breath as he walked in, struggling to remember his perfect plan of action. He walked slowly down the stairs. "Eugene?" He called, expecting to see the man seated at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for him. "Eugene, I'm back." He reached the bottom of the stairs and Eugene wasn't there. He frowned, walking further into the room. "Eugene?" He stopped in the middle of the room, eyes landing on the abandoned wheelchair next to the incinerator.