Just Talk To Us

Chapter: 17

"Listen, Jor. You keep setting yourself up for anxiety attacks and what not. Under my watch, you won't be going anywhere unless I am by your side. And I'm telling you now, we won't be going many places." Sky was firm, but not unkind. 

"Alright." I hesitantly nodded my head, gaining focus back. There was no point in arguing with him, because he would win any argument. 

"Oh, and by the way; when's the last time you ate?" His eyes were wide and he looked exasperated.

"Um, I'm not sure..." I bit my lip, hoping he wouldn't see through my lie. I knew exactly when I had eaten last; it was a week ago. I just didn't want him to get upset, not that he would, but still. 

"Come on." He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the bed.

"Where?" I frowned, not wanting to go anywhere at all. He shook his head, letting me know he wasn't going to tell me. He kept hold of my hand during the elevator ride, and as we walked out the hotel and down the street. He turned into a McDonald's; great, lots of fattening foods.

"What do you want." I felt as though he were commanding me.

"I'm not hungry." I crossed my arms, letting go of his hand. He frowned, and again asked me what I wanted. I still refused to answer.

"Jordyn, I don't care if it's fries or an ice cream cone. You just have to eat." He sighed.

"I'll take a coffee." I set my jaw. His brow furrowed even more. I really was starting to feel uncomfortable as I looked around the restaurant. There were a lot of people, and I felt as though every single one of them was judging me. I felt myself starting to hyperventilate as I turned away from Sky and ran out the door. 

He obviously ran after me, but I didn't stop. I wanted to run far away, I wanted to quit the tour, I wanted to die... I just wanted Ben back. I stopped running after probably twenty feet, Sky grabbed me.

"Jordyn, stop running." Sky pleaded.

"Let me go!" I panicked, wanting to get away. I couldn't move my arms, and it was terrifying me.  I started shaking violently; I didn't like not being able to move. Once Sky felt me shaking, he immediately let go and backed up several feet.

"Aw man, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to grab you, Jor." Sky looked like he was going to be sick. I didn't say anything, and the shaking finally seized. I took a couple steps forward, but felt my legs going weak. I attempted not to show it, but it was harder than I hoped it would be. I was beginning to feel the effects of not eating, and it scared me a little.

As I finally stood in front of Sky, I was done. Walking over there had zapped all my energy to the point where I just collapsed. Sky didn't hesitate to catch me and pull me into a hug and hold me there. He was right; I did need food. Lately I hadn't felt as though I were in charge of my life. Like it was run by Ben and Sky and occasionally Josh. So to regain some of that control, I refused to eat; because that was one thing no one could force me to do. Sure, I'd had to lie a couple times, but I didn't care. But now I knew it had been a mistake.

"Sky?" I whispered, almost afraid to speak.

"What?" He pulled away and grabbed my shoulders.

"I think I need to eat." I muttered, avoiding eye contact. A smile spread across his face and he draped his arm over my shoulder as we walked back to the restaurant. I ordered a big mac, and I believe that food had never tasted so good to me. I couldn't even finish half of it, but Sky seemed pleased to see me eating, and he actually left me alone the rest of the day.

* * *

I thought I missed Ben earlier, but that was nothing compared to that night. After that nights show, I went back to the hotel and laid on my bed. It was 10pm, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't trust myself to be alone, but I didn't want Sky in there with me. I heard my phone go off, and I saw it was a text from Ben.

Ben: You're going to be okay, don't worry. I love you <3

Jordyn: I'm already not okay. How am I supposed to get through the night if I don't have someone to hug???

Ben: I bet Sky would love to hug you ;)

I ignored his last text, and went to get changed for bed. But at 11:30, I was still wide awake. I was sitting on my bed with my knees folded to my chest, thinking about the flashback I'd had the other day. I replayed it in my mind...

*~*~*~*~*

"Go to your room."  My mom growled.

"Mommy, can we go to the library?" I asked, looking up at her with hopeful eyes. However, she just frowned at me.

"I said go to your room!  And get a move on!"  She screamed.  I whimpered, afraid of what she might do next.

"Why are you so whiny?" She growled, swinging her arm and backhanding me. Tears welled up in my eyes as I gingerly touched my stinging cheek.

"Are you going to cry now?" She raised her eyebrow. I shook my head, trying to clear the tears quickly. But it was too late; she shoved me to the floor and grabbed a vase. She brought it up over her head and hurled it at me from across the room. It hadn't hit me, but it shattered next to my head and the shards of glass cut into my face and arms. I pretended to be passed out until my mom left the house for a drink.

My mom wasn't mean, she was just upset with me. I understood why she did it, and it was all my fault.

*~*~*~*~*

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the memory. Tears were already streaming down my face as I got up to get a drink of water.

"I wish Ben was here." I whispered sadly to myself. There was always Sky, but I didn't want him in my room. Well, then again, Ben and I used to meet in the hallway. Maybe Sky and I could do that as well if worse came to worse; which it kind of had.

Jordyn: ...hey

Sky: Hey, what's up?

Jordyn: Um, are you busy?

Sky: No, do you need me to come over?

Jordyn: Yeah...