sins & tragedies // spoken poetry

numb

i feel nothing
i feel extremely numb
i feel like i'm the void

the void that sucks anything and everything in but still feel empty

the void is full but it feels like if the emptiness continues, everything is gonna be extremely painful

the girl isn't doing anything to let it out because she doesn't know how

all she knows is sucking all of it in.

she can't do anything because she always degraded herself to the level of someone who are unable to do everything.

she doesn't know.

she's tired of feeling empty, of feeling numb inside, of feeling endlessly unhappy.

but she's confused.

she knows that if the feeling of emptiness goes away, she'll miss it right away because when the sadness, loneliness and hurting resurface, the changes are closing in along with the darkness.

and so she doesn't know.

she stays there, utterly worried and awfully fidgeting while its anxiety is slowly worsening

anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, she wants to reach out but she knows that if everybody has the information, the girl has to deal with the enemies' oppression.

she wants someone to know about it, but how can she speak freely when the environment which surrounds her is utter shit?

she wants to get help because he noticed that she was getting worse and all she could do was yelp

but she stopped herself and stalled, afraid of the possibilities of her mother, whomst showed the girl abusive skills and abilities.

she doesn't know how to tell her mother, who can't even see that her child is going through hell.

and she said to no one in particular,

"i swear i'm not being dramatic, i swear i'm not being pathetic."

and it was the truth. she knew it well, but anxiety shapeshifted into chains and kept her locked in her own mind, the girl unable to speak swell. the mind of which is now covered in darkness, and she can't even remember the last time she felt happiness.

she just waits in the corner, hoping that someone will finally notice her.

she's still devoid of feelings. she sits there, tired of feeling nothing but afraid of restarting the cutting. paranoia washes over her as she thinks, "will i be able to feel anything ever again?"

she doesn't know.