In love with Shay Farrell

In Love with Shay Farrell (Shay's POV)

I was in love with my best friend, Landon Matthews. It isn't like I could tell him, but it was true. He never asked me out though. It always seems like he never liked me that way. That is why I said yes to Mitchell. I couldn't wait for Landon all my life. Mitchell wanted me. He is a great boyfriend, but I couldn't get over Landon.

Mitchell and I got in a big fight before Graduation. He thought I was cheating on him, which I wasn't. I was talking to Landon and didn't see a car that was coming at me. Someone saved me though. As much as I hoped it was Landon, it wasn't. It was Mitchell. He truly cared about me. I took him back. I realized that Landon will never love me and Mitchell will. I was finally over Landon Matthews.

We all went to the same college. Mitchell and I got into many fights. I always went to Landon for comfort. I found out that Mitchell was cheating on me and we broke up. Landon was there to comfort and support. When Mitchell and I got back together, Landon seemed to change. He wasn't his usual happy self. I didn't ask him about it though. He never wanted anyone to help him with his emotions. He was always weird like that.

Once when we were hanging out, he blew up.

"Why are you still with him?" he asked with a little bit of hurt in his voice.

"Because Landon, I love him!" I shouted back.

I couldn't believe he would ask such a question. I couldn't believe I lied to him too. His face was full of hurt and disappointment.

"Don't you know what it is like to love someone?" I ask softly, hoping for an answer.

He just stared at me. He didn't say anything, he just stared. He really never loved me.

"I have to go Landon. Don't bother calling me." I tell him.

Right when I leave his dorm, I cry. I cried so much. He never loved me. He never loved anyone. It hurt a lot. I know now I have to move on from him. I know now that Mitchell is the only one who truly cares.

He proposed to me. Mitchell, not Landon. I always hoped it would be Landon, but it wasn't. We discussed about Landon being his best man. As much as I wanted to say no, I couldn't. Landon was his best friend too. I don't know if I could marry Mitchell with Landon standing right behind him. I know he doesn't love me, but he could still change my mind by just standing there. I can't ever get over Landon Matthews.

"She said yes." Mitchell tells Landon.

He was surprised and not in a happy way.

"So, Shay and I have been discussing, and we think you should be my best man. Will you do it?" Mitchell asks him.

I hoped he would say no. It was really selfish of me, but it would be easier if he did. He didn't. He nodded yes with a fake smile. He didn't want to do it either.

It was the wedding day. I was walking around the church looking for Landon. I had to tell him. I wanted to know if he ever liked me, just a bit. I see him, but he runs out the church. There goes my chances.

Everyone was here except Landon. I left to go find him, and maybe tell him how I feel.

"Landon! Landon, open up!" I yell knocking on the door.

"Shay." I hear a faint voice say and someone falling.

"Landon!" I scream and pound on the door.

There was no answer. I see an open window and climb through it. I see Landon on the ground unconscious in a pool of blood.

"No, No! Landon wake up! Please!" I yell and call an ambulance.

We were on the way to the hospital when Landon woke up. Tears were streaming down my face.

"Shay?" He says weakly.

He was dying.

"Landon, Landon, why?" I ask.

"I couln't do it anymore Shay. I couldn't see you marrying another guy." He says gasping for air.

"What do you mean Landon?" I ask.

He says the words. The words I have waited for since second grade. The words I never thought he would say to me.

"I am in love with you Shay Farrell." he says and closes his eyes.

No, this can't be happening!

"Landon! Landon, wake up! Don't die on me!" I yell cry even harder than before.

His eyes open and he smiles at me. He smiles his wonderful smile and dies.

"No! Landon, please! Come back!" I says crying into his chest.

It was totally useless. He was dead. First, my brother and now Landon. My first and only crush.

"I am in love with you too." I whisper as the paramedic puts the sheet over his face.

The wedding never happened. I couldn't go. I didn't go to Landon's funeral either. It was too hard. I tried, but I couldn't get through the church doors. I went to his grave though. I did everyday telling him what was going on in my life. I wrote letters to him too.

One day, a man came to my doorstep.

"Are you Ms. Shay Farrell?" he asks.

I nod my head.

"These letters are for you." he says and hands me a pile of letters.

"Thank you." I say and he leaves.

I open the first one.

Dear Shay Farrell,

I know we have been best friends since second grade. I wanted you to know that ever since you called me your hero that I was in love with you.

Love (hopefully),

Landon Matthews

I cry as I read the letter. He did love me. He always have. I was too oblivious to realize. I remember that day too. He saved my dog from being hit by a truck. He brought him back and I told him he was my hero. That was the day I fell in love with him too. And now, he is gone. It is all my fault. I read the next letter.

Dear Shay Farrell,

I get that you are in love with Mitchell. I get that you want to marry him. If you are reading this, I want you to know that I am in love with you. It isn't your fault either. I am doing this through my own consciousness. Don't do anything to yourself without reading this letter first. I would blame myself if anything happened to you even though I am dead. I hope you and Mitchell will have a happy life together. And please, live for me.

Always Love,

Landon Matthews

He wrote this before I found him. Before he killed himself.

"Don't worry Landon. I will live for you." I say and open the next letter.

Dear Shay Farrell,