Strawberries & Cigarettes

My first and last

First day of high school you finally talked to me in a more-than-friends way. You were so eager to know about me that I was so eager to tell you. I had planned presentations after presentations to showcase the best details of myself to you.

Halfway through the school year you asked me out. I was so happy when you did. I couldn't sleep for three whole days after saying yes. Everything I did reminded me of how you timidly voiced out the questions, eyes glued to the floor, ears pink. I was somehow able to ignore the filthy smell of cigarettes that I hated so much emitting from you. I wanted to see your face and your reactions everyday. I wanted to know what other things could make you look that way. I paid attention to every little actions you made the whole time we were together...

Which was not much. One week after, you broke up with me, but you didn't know how much more you had broken. You left with everything I had and I was left to rebuild myself again bits by bits all by myself.

Because the previous structure was too weak, I came up with a new, stronger structure for my blueprint. This structure was supposed to keep me safe from any harm in the future so that I wouldn't have to spend so much time fixing holes when I could use them to better myself instead.

Then just like last time, I had a reason to keep me going, but this time it was for myself and myself only.