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; kim jieun's pov
i stare at my own reflection into the mirror. there i am, looking all gross again. i examined my eyes which got swollen the more i cried, hair that i have not washed in 2 days and the same shirt i wore 2 days ago as well.
i look at the state of my room, tissues lying everywhere and my laptop showing me the next episode of the melodrama i was watching, just right for me.
why did i get so affected? we literally only dated for 2 days but it felt like 2 years.
-
"jieun! look at what i have!"
it was when we were in elementary school. hyukjae approached me cutely and gave me a ring that is supported with a decorative tape.
"i'll give you a nicer one when we get older okay?" hyukjae put it on for me.
"so are you gonna marry me?" i asked cheekily. he nodded and we giggled.
that was when we had nothing to worry about.
-
but look at us now. growing up, and everything was gone. i really have to let go of the memories we shared. it hurt to hold on, but it hurts more when i try to let go.
i start getting ready for the lecture this afternoon, quickly made my way to school.
it was the lecture that me and hyukjae first met on the first day. as usual, he sat on the back row. normally i would join him, but i sat few seats after him.
and always he'd come calling for me. this time he did not, which made me slightly disappointed.
fortunately, today's lectures were lesser so i immediately went home. siwon expressed his concerns and made sure i was okay before letting me go home.
i immediately dived onto my bed once i got home. i was already exhausted just from a few lectures.
sleep was already calling for me when i heard cries for my name over my bedroom window.
i ignored at first, till cries turned into little rocks being thrown at my window. i slammed my pillow onto the bed and finally opened the window.
i frowned my eyes trying to look who did it, and it was lee hyukjae. once i acknowledged it was him, i wanted to close it back till he stopped me.
"kim jieun! meet me down here!" i gave in and went down, i couldn't resist not talking to him for another day.
i missed him.
as i was now standing in front of him, i examined his eyes closely. he looked lost, as though he doesn't know what to do.
i crossed my arms, waiting for him to initiate a conversation.
"jieun, i just want to say that yes i am engaged with mina."
i tried to act as normal as i could, but my heart broke into a million pieces. i already knew of this news but it just made me hurt more.
my lips quivered and tears were threatening to flow out. i put my hands into a fist, fighting my tears. i did not want to let them win, at least for now.
"but i have always loved you jieun. on the day when i left, i was hurt as well. the thought of leaving you without even telling you of my feelings. it made me go crazy. i was forced. forced to marry mina in the future, after we graduate. my stupid father thinks it'd help his company. i never wanted to marry her nor had affection for her. i loved you all along. it had always been you love."
my heart yearned for him as he called me love, i wanted to snuggle up to him, i wanted to give up and let him win. but my mind did not want my heart to give up so easily.
"you're still gonna marry her anyways.." i mumbled. there was no way he could rebel over his father. i knew how his father is like.
i loosen my fist, just like that i lost again. tears flowed out rapidly, "i never want to lose you. please."
hyukjae immediately embraced my fragile self which was shaking from all the crying. he whispered sweet nothings to my ear to calm myself down and patted my back.
why does nothing ever go our way? even fate isn't helping us.
i finally stopped, and he let me go. "maybe i should give up hyukjae."
"on what?"
"loving you. waiting for you each day hurts me and makes me go crazy as well."
hyukjae carressed my face filled with tears, staring at my eyes lovingly. his look calmed me down, made me think properly and made me feel better even though it was just a bit.
his eyes flickered to my lips, and he placed his lips on mine. the kiss was soothing. like time was frozen forever and everything was gonna be alright and just about us.
"i love you." he mumbled in between. his phone started ringing again, disrupting us.
his face changed once he saw the caller id. "its okay you can go." i smiled sadly.
"no, this time i'm gonna stay with you." he kissed my forehead, interwined fingers with mine and we set off.
we wanted to run away from everything. if only we could.
