Tell her that I missed our little talks

Missing someone

I just miss him so damn much, I'm crying.....

Aw baby...Things'll get better, even if they don't seem like they're going to. Don't ever say sorry to me. You've never done anything to owe me your apologies yet.

I have I'm just dumping a bit on you and I don't want to change the way you see me and I'm scared. Scared of everything. I dont want to hurt you, Or anyone else.

Nothing can hurt me more than seeing you carrying all of this alone. Nothing can hurt me more than you thinking that anything you say to me will change my opinion of you. It's alright to be scared, Mkay? As long as falling back into me isn't one of those fears. I hate to see you hurting, even if sometimes I'm too damn awkward to address it or ask you about it. Either I'm always here, waiting for you. Okay, I'm bad at hiding it aren't I. That's sure as hell not a bad thing; Because it'll remain there as long as you decide to bury it, if you keep on piling things on. It may be hidden from sight, but that doesn't change the fact that it's still there.

Oh...Why doesn't it just disappear like I want it to. Why does it have to stay? It hurts. A lot.

Because life's a bitch in that way. The only way you can get rid of it is to bring it out and push it away. Not push it down — push it away. Get rid of it. Throw it onto me. Throw it into a void. But you can't do that without putting it out into the open first. I know it hurts, but pain ends. It always does, but sometimes you need a shoulder to lean into while it mends. What will you do with it if I give it to you, it'll be a burden and if I hurts you then it's a burden I'm will to carry to save you from the pain I don't want you to get hurt.

If pain ends....when? I'm tired of being hurt and being in pain but I'm willing to suffer through it to see you happy, to see you smile. I don't want this anymore I want to give it to you but I don't want to hurt you. I'm just scared of life, of pain, of hurting others, and people I care about.

If you trust me enough to be willing to give some (hopefully more than that) of it to me, I'll discard of it for you and hopefully fill the space where it once resided. I can't argue with you when you say that life, pain, and what that brings to others is frightening. I get frightened as well. But life isn't an unchanging thing. It's always moving, always trying to morph into what it should be, but the corruption of the world always gets in the way, undoubtedly. Either way, you have to push trough that to see you beautiful things. Instead of falling to your knees, shove the darkness out of the way and charge right on through like you own the damn place; because you do. It's your life and you're the one in charge, not the pain trying to overcome your will to live. Regarding you friends, they'd all rather shoulder a bit of the weight then see you carrying it on your own. Will it bring pain? Yes, it will, but it will bring joy as well, joy in knowing that we're at least help by you a little bit. You don't always have to be strong for us. We can protect ourselves as well as you when you need a break. Being friends isn't a gathering of individuals, being friends is a group of individuals coming together as one family. Family is counted with everyone as a whole,  it each person as themselves. We're here for you, you just have to let us in. You have to let me in.

Okay I will, try, hard.

Do. Please. Ily and I care for you. Just listen to me when I say things will get better because it's not a lie, and they always do. You might think believing this will only get your hopes up and it won't happen, but being without hope is almost the same as missing out on happiness. You can't have one without the other.

And I'm sorry I don't have much to say, as much as I'd like to say. I love you with all my heart and trust you more than I trust myself you are family to me. And I don't want to lose that. You mean so damn much to me, and I will give you as much as you can handle and over time I'll give it all. I don't want to give you too much, seeing as we all have our limits, some bigger than others. I know you don't break easily, you're strong like that. (hopefully) when you moved you're the person I talked to when things where absolutely horrible. I texted you when life sucked most, when I first fell into depression. I talked to you about it; Even though you never got the messages doesn't mean I didn't tell you things. Just thought you should know...

Even though I didn't receive the messages I'm really really glad that I'm one of the people you turned to. You don't know how much of an honour it is because you're honestly just such an amazing, amazing person and I still don't see how I was ever fortunate enough to meet you let alone become your friend.

You such a beautiful person and once again I love you with all of my heart and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you (unless you start shipping Heith or some shit, I won't indulge in a monstrosity like that). Is that an actual fucking ship.....I'll keep that in mind. And I love you too.