cacophony: a poetry collection

death

I've been thinking of death lately
Not because I'm a loser
But because I've been fighting too long
And nothing seems to be worth it
Everything I do
Everything I am
Is just never enough

I don't blame anyone
But me
For being the way I am
It's all on me
What I am

I hate myself
Does that make a difference?
What can I do to change me?
Because I've tried
Loads of times
And nothing seems to be working
I am just
The same old me

I've tried to change me
Only to realise
I had always been more of
What I've been dreading

Nobody seems to see
Not even me
That I need help
More than ever
At this very moment

I can not do this alone
I can not fight this alone
I need somebody
But who?
I need to tell somebody
But how?

Everyday
Drops of water
Are slipping out of my crack
How do I fix that?
Help me

There are secrets
Weighing me down
I want to tell
But is there anybody
I can trust?

And maybe there is
A person who I believe
A person who'd listen to me
But maybe
I just don't wanna be helped
Maybe
I'm just waiting for them to know
Out of nowhere
Just know
Without me having to tell them

I so wish they do
Before I think of death any further
Before I cause me any torture
Before I'm left with no future