idealism. (poetry)

to

to the person i know that this concerns,
forgive me for the fact that this is all a little chaotic and disorganised and it doesn't flow very smoothly
in that way i guess it's all an extended metaphor for how we never flowed very smoothly
but i know that you think allegories are overrated because you love being
out there and explicit and blatant
im contemplating whether these were in fact redeeming qualities
but do i even have the right to pick and choose what i see as flaws in you?
and maybe that's where it all went wrong.

im contemplating whether or not you made me a better or worse person
i guess in my own eyes its hard to realise the damage you've done
because i am or rather i was blindsided
turning away from the reality of it all
indulging in this false romance as if i were an alcoholic and you were vodka disguised inside of a waterbottle
giving the impression of recovery
but you and i both knew that i was
just falling deeper.

the self-absorbed part of you wishes that i never get over you and come crawling back again and again.
i do like to think that i can now stand on my own two feet but
instead you've left me weak and constantly craving approval.

it felt nice to not be myself for a while
even if that did mean that it wasnt my honest self that you loved or at least said that you loved.
"forever" i said to you but it seems
like your perception of time was a little different to mine
because your "forever" seemed to last until the moment he walked into your life. 

sincerely,
  noah