Broken Trust

CHAPTER 17: I am a monster Jax, we all are

Hey guys!! 

It feels like forever since I updated my book, I had been so terribly busy in my examinations and piling assignments.

BUT FINALLY AFTER A LONG WAIT I DID UPLOAD!!! YAY

Thank you for being so patient with me :)

This chapter is short I know that but I wanted you guys to see inside Antonio's mind a little, it would be important later.

THIS BOOK HAD REACHED 146 IN LONELINESS!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS

ILOVEYOU ALL <3

CHAPTER 17

Antonio's POV:

Heartbreak was something I Antonio de Luca had never experienced and damn it felt excruciating. With every step she took away from me, she took a tiny piece of my heart away, a controlling man like me for the first time in his life...felt helpless and alone.

I had never admitted to myself that I was lonely, why you ask? In my business there was no place for a weakling and for me a woman was something I imagined as a sign of weakness, weakness in which I always had the upper hand, destruction was not a foreign terminology for my work; nor creating havoc was questionable. I had created devastations by simply just sleeping with the wives of the man who alleged a threat to me. The term I liked to call for them was self-destruction.

The only purpose of women in my life was entertainment. My story would begin from the bed and end up on the bed, simple as that. The last thing left to be done would be to throw them out when I would get bored.

So many times, I would see them breaking apart in front of me; begging me; crying for me...what would I do?

Kick them apart and watch them break slowly by slowly. The irony of my situation was almost laughable as I watched the one girl who had managed to slightly wiggle her way inside my heart to stomp right back on it and throw it away.

Genevieve managed to break all my walls and barged in, her childlike innocence; her beautiful baby face; her soft alluring eyes all drew me in. A dull ache pressed against my heart when I realized how mistaken I was to destroy her and then wish for her to be mine.

A raspy voice halted my wandering thoughts and at last I turned around when the last of her yellow dress fluttered out of my sight

"I know how you feel." Jaxon wheezed out between harsh pants of breath "it's okay to feel that way."

A heavy sigh escaped my lips at the generosity of the words my friend poured out, my hand grabbed the tiny stool placed beside the bed and I tried to make my bulky self on it as comfortable as I could before I spoke out to him.

"It's not and you know what the worse part about it is, I can't even apologize for the grave mistakes I made."

"Antonio-"

"Let me finish Jax, please."

He slightly nodded his head asking me to continue.

"When I first saw Genevieve at your house, I couldn't seem to keep my eyes off of her; she looked breath taking that night."

"I was mildly surprised at the indifferent attitude with which you regarded her; I mean she was meant to be treasured from the start."

"But I was a bastard and I did what I do best, created an opportunity for myself because I wanted her in my bed."

"I ignored my emotional need and instead justified it with physical ones"

"My hands were cruel with her that night, I let every man in the room touch her in ways that scarred her."

"Every hand that groped her that night left a mark on her body."

"My touch on her was so forceful that night that I saw her..."

The pain I saw in Jaxon's eyes reflected mine, treacherous tears seemed to be leaking out of his whereas a single tear rolled from mine on to the bed.

"Continue." He spoke through clenched teeth as if that mere word was causing him unending agony.

"I...saw her lose consciousness." "Still we didn't stop jax!" I punched the bed frame in frustration "we didn't stop!"

"We touched her till her cries turned into ultimate silence."

"Till I saw nothing but pain and god damn only pain in her eyes"

"I am a monster jax, we all are."

"When I was young I had always been...different if I put it mildly, I had always been fascinated with monsters, they made me feel like I could fit somewhere in this world."

"I was wrong Jax I wasn't different I was a monster ready to be unleashed into this world.

The knuckles of my palm harshly pressed against my burning eyes, I had never cried in my thirty years of life. After a few minutes of composing myself I said the words that still burn like acid on my tongue

"I don't deserve her, nor do you Jax, she was just an innocent flower; we are the ones who poured poison inside her."

Slowly I rose up from my uncomfortable position, today I felt like I had suddenly aged twenty more years, the weight of the incidents I had caused were so overbearing that my shoulders sank in defeat. With a heavy heart and eyes drowning in grief I started walking out of the door, before I exited I turned around for the last time gazing at the lifeless and helpless man lying on the bed staring at me with so much pain in his eyes, it was killing.

"If I were you Jax, I'd let her go" Were the last words I had said to him.