I'm In Love With My Love

Long-Distance Relationship

"What is it like, being in a long-distance relationship?"

It's a question I get asked a lot.
Even my own boyfriend asked me to write bout it.

"It's hard, in ways. But we love each other enough to work it out with patience."

It's what I usually tell people outside our relationship.
But my perspective changed when he asked that question.
I didn't know what to tell him.
Truth is, I never really knew what to tell you.

Because my first "serious" relationship wasn't serious until I moved one thousand, twenty point seven miles away from him.
And that relationship ended bitterly when I found myself being the only one interested in starting up conversations with him.
When I was the only one who said "I love you" and I meant it.

So I really didn't know what love truly meant until I was more than a thousand miles away from my first.
And I guess you can say I fell in love with being in love with someone who can't just be at my door in the next five minutes.
In the next ten minutes
In the next thirty minutes
Or, fuck!
In the next day!
Because the next four men I fell in love with were not only two states away, but three or four!
And I realize I have never been in a relationship where i could shed a tear and look at the love of my life at my door with chocolates and a teddy bear instead of only ever seen him on a phone screen or hearing him through a fucking gaming console!
The moment my boyfriend asked me what it's like to love him when he is one thousand, one hundred, four point six miles away was the moment I realized I had never been in a relationship where I was one door knock away from not feeling so depressed,
From not feeling so god damned anxious,
Or, fuck!
From not feeling so fucking insane!

So, I can't tell you what it's like being in a long distance relationship.
I've never been in a serious relationship where he lives in the same damn state.
But, I could go crazy trying to explain to you the pain of the excitement of only being able to see the man or woman or whoever the hell you love once or twice a week each year.

So please, stop asking me what it's like to be in a long-distance relationship.
It's starting to hurt me.
Or, fuck.
It's starting to kill me.