Poems from a depressed boy

Memories

Memories hurt.

Good memories end up as just a blur.

Memories are like life, it only happens once and never comes back.

I think way too much about the past, the good times played in a loop by my mind.

The memories are stuck in my mind, I wish I could move on, but I am emotionally blind.

Wish I could be sweet and kind like in the past.

I couldn't be nice to anyone, I was hiding under a mask.

I killed the old me, and an imposter is controlling me.

I stopped being kind because I would get used like a tool.

Couldn't reveal who I was because I thought deep down my real self-was a loser and a fool.

This new me craves for pain.

The amount of time I spent on the wrong people was in vain

I pushed the ones I loved the most away because I didn't want them to see the new me.

I wanted to be alone.

I lost my home, and now I don't know where to go.

The old me got hurt by fake friends.

The old me got hurt from ex-girlfriends.

The old was weak-minded and kind.

Maybe kindness is a weakness, so I wanted it to vanish.

When I was kind to others, I would get taken advantage of.

I changed because I didn't want to get hurt anymore.

I don't want things to repeat from before.

But I feel alienated to this harsh me, and I don't know who I am.

Should I be kind to be hurt by others?

Should I be full of hatred to be hurt by myself?

I am in an identity crisis.

I have hurt myself so much I am lifeless.

Wish I could be back in those times where I would be nice to everyone.

When I push people away I get hurt because this I am someone I am not.

It was changing into the old me that I sought.

My feelings were put in a cage and if you listen closely, they scream to be free.

My anger makes my heart bleed.

I turned every smile into a face full of anger.

My anger led to suffering.

Happiness never knocked on the door, so I never understood that feeling.

My eyes are dry lakes.

I try to hide my feelings for my own sake.

I can't cry 'cause I have run this lake dry of tears.

I have been through so much pain, I don't know what pain is anymore.

I think I am used to pain, something I didn't before.

I see the worst in life

I just want my end to arrive

I am tired of being strong and taking in pain, I want to be weak

I was made with a little dose of pessimism.

I think I give myself most of my criticism.

The sky looks really gray.

I can't help but stare at it as I wither in dismay.

I miss the sky when it was filled with a vibrant blue.

I miss how everything seemed to be full of life and full of meaning.

But now I am stuck in a wasteland that looks lifeless and worthless.

A sad smile spreads across my face as I see kids having fun in my neighborhood.

I am reminded of my non-existing childhood.

Never had friends, never had a father.

Never played ball with my dad, just someone who yelled at me and told me I am worthless.

Just someone who made fun of me, just someone who hated me, just someone who was a big mess.

Miss the days my family was together.

I wish things could go back to when things were a lot better.

The memory of my father and I catching grasshoppers, and fishing makes me sad.

'Cause I know it will never be the same.

The way things are now, my hope gets washed down by the rain.