How to know that you are Australian.

Common Australian Knowledge

1. Australians have their Vegemite on toast in small quantities. NOT ON A BLOODY TABLE SPOON. IT'S NOT NUTELLA OR CHOCOLATE YOU MORONS!

2. It's not Crisp, it's chips, it's not a BBQ it's a barbie, It's not flip flops they're Thongs, It's not McDonald's it's Maccas  and IT'S NOT A SHRIMP IT'S PRAWN! A BLOODY PRAWN!

3. KOALA'S ARE NOT BEARS! Sure some people call them Koala Bears but that's only cause they look something like bears. They're actually marsupials.

4. Australians rarely celebrate Halloween. Most of us forget what day it is and than before you know it there is a bunch of 8 year old all alone without parents standing at the door in costumes asking for Lollies. (When you say it like that you have to admit it sounds kind of weird)

5. You're never alone in the bathroom. No matter if you live in the city, outback or suburbs. Just whatever you do, don't look up or you may just find a snake or spider staring back.

6. Tim Tams and lamingtons are the best things in existence.

7. Us Australians can be sarcastic * especially to tourist sometimes like saying "Oh yeah we totally ride around on Kangaroos. I've got mine just hanging around in the back of the yard. I'll show you later. oh by the way Just be careful of where you stand. If you're under a gum tree there is a big chance that a Drop bear could land on you. Those things can be scary."

8. You can be worried about the Great White Sharks or you can be worried by the bloody invisible poisonous Jelly Fish that can kill you in 2 minutes.

9. The most scariest and dangerous animal in Australia is not a red back spider, it is not a crocodile, it's not a Taipan or a great white shark. The scariest and most Dangerous animal in Australia are Magpies and that's a fact! These monstrous creatures are known to swoop down on people and steal their food. Or in some cases they literally peck their eye out or scratch them on the top of their head. 

10. American have baseball and Football as their iconic sports. We have Rugby League and Cricket. Rugby League is like Football but we don't huge helmets and 50 layers of padding to protect us when we get tackled. Cricket is also really similar to baseball but we have flatter bats, only two places that we have to run to get points and wickets which are stationed behind the batter and if they get hit by the bowler the batter is out. (me trying to explain what cricket is like is kind of like someone trying to explain what Australia is like.... without even going there).

If you want me to talk more about Australia leave a comment. Anyway thanks for reading this weird Cringe fest. (and for those of you I some how offended. I'm sorry? I don't know how I offended but uhhh yeah sorry). Also thanks for the ten people in the world for following me. You guys make me smile so thanks.