Busy

3/3

There was a shift in our relationship, I think. A shift in the way we talked to each other, and that was my doing.

It was a conscious shift, Lauren.

--

It was spring break now. Lauren was free everyday, but she was no longer talking to Camila everyday.

3:30 pm: Now that I'm off, I'd really like to meet you.

Lauren felt heaviness in heart while she sent the text. Camila didn't talk to her for the whole weekend. Lauren was thinking about her the whole time but what was Camila thinking about?

9:08 pm: I know, Lauren believe me, I want to me you too. I've just been so busy.

Lauren saw the text as a banner on top of her screen as she scrolled through an Instagram page. It was of a girl that went by the name of Hayley.

Camila left a recent comment on her selfie, while Lauren was waiting all day for her to reply to her one text message.

—

I'll be transparent. I met Hayley around February, and we just clicked Lauren. She lived right near me, she's funny and good to me, and sometimes I think she's everything you could have been to me too. She's like you, but actually real.

Because you weren't something that was real, not with our physical barriers at least.

What we had, it was all through text. And while it was so beautiful while it lasted, I wanted something real. I needed something real.

I was struggling, Lauren. I was so lost during the time that we started talking. I was a dead girl trying to function normally.

I felt like I was falling down a dark void, never hitting the bottom, no hope for the top, just falling. And then you came, and you were like a tiny light that showed there was a way out. You showed me that it could exist, but it was Hayley that pulled me out.

I'm so sorry, I know now just how badly you wanted to be both, and if I could go back I'd give you the opportunity to be.

—

Lauren was rather good with technology, it was what she went to school for afterall. It doesn't take much for Lauren to stalk someone, but that's would be her downfall.

Lauren knew so much of these other people that Camila was talking to but this knowledge only hurt her more.

It piled onto the fact that Camila was increasingly distant to her.

11:20 am: Good morning beautiful, I hope you have a wonderful day!

11:45 am: Morning Lauren, hope you're doing great as well.

12:30 pm: Good morning babe, have a good day at work today.

1:45 pm: Hey afternoon Lauren, it's pretty shitty but making it through. Hope you're hanging in there.

10:55 am: Morning Camila, hope you're doing well.

Lauren's heart sank as she typed those words. When was there conversation reduced to this? Just greetings that maybe on occasion would extend into one or the other talking about one thing that happened on that day. These short meaningless interactions were not the type of conversations that her Camila would want to have.

Her Camila would turn a good morning text into a Shakespearean sonnet about waking up and wanting to either kill herself or everyone around her.

This wasn't her Camila anymore though. Camila wasn't hers. Lauren used to lay in bed at night and look at pictures of Camila. It gave her hope for the future. Now she looks at the pictures and feels nothing but the emptiness again. There's only longing as she looks into a picture of Camila smiling, her brown eyes seemingly full of life and happiness.