Saints

18

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"Good mawnin pastor. A who dis mista pastor sir?"

"Uhm, well, you know, this is my wife."

"Which one pastor?"

Dis was di first service since di church trip, an Moesha did full a question dis mawnin.

Pastor did look uncomfortable nuh rass, an him clear him throat an gwaan like him hear sista Purline a call him.

"So ma'am, a you did live a foreign, don't?"

Mi neva get fi hear di rest as Curtis creep up behind me an seh, "How yuh so fass?"

Mi nuh even badda tun roun as mi seh, "How you love switch between Patois an English suh? A wah? Tru none a yuh uptown fren dem nuh deh yah?"

Him touch mi shoulda an turn mi roun so mi face him, and mi see him lean him head lickle as him observe mi.

"Shantel, are you okay?"

"Yes. Yes." Mi seh, a look roun fi mi faada.

"Shantel, talk to me."

"Beenie, church soon start. Why yuh nuh sit dung?"

Mi see him face twist up as him start look even more confused, but him step weh an nuh say nutten to mi throughout di whole church service. When it done, him lef widout a word, an sista Beatrice inform mi seh mi haffi guh pass out di bittaz.

Chad neva deh a church di one time him mumma come from foreign fi see him, so mi did shock fi see him kotch up pon a lickle corna near di stairs.

"A how yuh yeye dem suh red?" Mi seh, as mi stan up wid di empty tray inna mi han.

"I'm tired." Him lie, a drag a han cross him face.

"A weed yuh gun bun don't?" Mi seh, "Yuh want a rass lick wid di tray. A bun weed when yuh fi a worship."

"Stop acting like you're a saint. I wasn't the one hooking up with Curtis at a church camp."

"Mi neva hook up wid nobody." Mi seh, "Plus stop turn di story pon me. A when yuh start bun weed?"

"When my mother died."

"Nuh yuh madda dat inna di church?" Mi ask, as a piece a confusion lick mi.

"That's Renard's Mom. My mother died last week.. while I was at church camp." Him tek a very deep breath, an mi feel like mi coulda see sadness print out pon him face.

"Oh."

"She was fighting cancer but I just didn't know-.. " Chad voice break, an mi neva feel suh sorry fi smaddy inna mi life.

Mi see tears start build up inna him eyes an him hurry up an turn him face.

Mi reach ova an hug him, as mi seh, "Mi understand wah it feel like."

"But I was so close to her. I have never been able to talk to anyone the way I can talk to her." Mi coulda see di tears a roll down him face as him talk, an di lickle fass pickney dem weh a walk past start stare, so mi step up pon one a di steps an hug him so him face woulda inna mi shoulda so nobody else couldn't see him a bawl.

Him stay deh lickle, inna mi arms a shake, an mi tek a deep breath as mi try fi think of something comforting fi say, but nutten neva come to mind.

"So weh yuh faada seh?"

Chad stay quiet fi a while before him say, "He didn't react. It's not like he loved her.. "

Then him add, "Plus he has Renard's mom. It's not like he cares."

"Chad... "

"What?"

Mi tek a deep breath an hug him tighter, as mi start rub him back so him woulda feel better.

"I care." Mi whisper.

"About you.. " mi add, suh silent dat only a mosquito weh a fly near coulda hear it.

"I know." Him say, him voice break again an him wipe off him tears pon him sleeve. "You're the only person that noticed that I wasn't okay."

Mi feel like mi did want fi bawl cause di more Chad talk a di more mi did start think bout mi mada, an how we neva even get fi close. But, mi couldn't bawl. If mi start bawl, a who woulda deh deh fi comfort Chad?

"Thank you." Him whisper close to mi ears.

Mi nod mi head up and down then mi say, "Yuh ago be alright, yuh hear?"

"Maybe... Maybe I won't."

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