monophobia✓ phan

I

dan's p.o.v

you know when you loved somebody so much, that you thought you couldn't live without them? that was me. i loved my parents so much, even though i was just adopted. they actually loved me, and for those 4 years i felt like i finally wouldn't be alone again. well, turns out the world was just out to get me.

once i got the call that my parents where dead, it was like my world crumbled into a million pieces. i thought i couldn't live without them.

i was going to be alone again.

i've had Monophobia for a while, ever since my birth parents decided to put me up for adoption as soon as I was born. ever since then, i was afraid of being alone. at the orphanage, i desperately tried to fit in so i wouldn't be alone, but nothing worked.

i didn't play with the girls as much as the boys. i noticed that while all the other boys my age were starting to be attracted to girls, i started getting attracted more to boys. the other boys thought is was disgusting for a boy to like another boy so they started calling me names for not being like them.

when i met my foster parents, they were the best thing that ever happened to me. they didn't care that i liked boys, they didn't care that i had bipolar,depression, and anxiety. all they seemed to care about was that i was with them. that was all i ever asked for.

it all changed when they died. i had to move in with my Grandma. i could tell she actually loved having me there though. but moving also meant a new school. new schools meant new people. new people meant making friends, and for me, making friends was hard.

i was really dreading going to a new school. the thing i had to be grateful of was that i actually had a house to live in, even if it's with a grandma that isn't my real one. but for me, that is enough.

~~~~

"good morning daniel!" my grandma says as she stands in the doorway of my room.

"i think i'm sick, can i not go to school today?" i reply as, feigning a cough. i really didn't want to go to school today.

"oh sweetheart, i know it'll be your first day at your new school and you're nervous, but this really is an important day and you cant fake sickness to get out of it."

"but i know no one will like me so i'd rather stay home. do I have to?"

"yes, now go get ready." she walks out of the room to let me get ready for school.

i sighed. i knew it wouldn't have worked. i was really hoping it would so i didn't have to go to school.

i yawn and look at the clock to see its 7:12 which means i have approximately 15 minutes to get ready before i walk to this new school. my grandma said she'd drive me to school, but i really want the fresh air to try to clear my head. i mean there will be people walking too so i won't exactly be alone walking.

although i'm probably not gonna walk to school again by myself.

i drag myself out of bed to take a quick 5 minute shower. after i'm done i slightly dry my hair off with a towel and trudge over to my closet. i pull on my black skinny jeans with rips on the lower half, and i pull on a pastel blue sweater. i walk back to the bathroom and brush my teeth. i blow dry my hair and just leave it. I pull on my converse with no care to make sure they're tied enough.

i look in the mirror to see how i look. i don't look that bad if I say so myself.
before i regret my decision to walk to school, i grab my backpack, say a quick goodbye and i love you to my grandma, and rush out the door after grabbing a granola bar.

it's kinda chilly but i get over it.

~~~
hey. it's 2020. i know what you're thinking. why now? and to answer that, i have no idea. since im deleting this app, i thought i should post the drafts of this book, since they're actually pretty good. ofc this is discontinued, especially since ive completely faded out of the phan community, what with Dan not posting anymore. basically, in my opinion the phandom is dead. but ive always liked writing. maybe one day ill pick it up again? but for now, it's goodbye. enjoy these, as i appreciate past me for writing them.