Let Me Be

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You be perfect Alpha and Omega:

I need to be in church in about thirty minutes but I'm now leaving home.My car is at the workshop and the bus that will lead me straight to my destination just passed so quickly without me seeing it. Then this will be the job for my legs. Walking briskly,i made my way through the massive crowd on the shoulder of the street. Today looks like a really busy day but I don't see anything busy about today. Everyone walking had their head up in the sky, some pushing to find their way through, others too slowing down their pace for a reason I can't tell. The thirty minutes was up about an hour ago and I'm now seeing the building from a distance. Yh, I have to use the back down straight to the choristers side. Unlucky for me no one was standing outside for me to join the latecomers club. Waved the usher seated at the front door and walked towards the back door. I heard the pastor still preaching meaning I'm not all that late. He said something and they all begun to laugh their lungs out. No, no, the back door was locked. Walked back to the main entrance, the pastor was done preaching. I'm next! I felt late. Whispered something into the usher's ear, he left and back quickly with a microphone and gave it to me. "Shall we welcome Miss. Betty to give us a wonderful ministration "
Everyone was expecting me to come from the choristers side. They kept turning their heads in confusion. I signaled the organist to start. Some where about to complain when I begun to sing, they were trying to locate where the female voice was from. I walked slowing while singing till I got to the altar. I noticed that as I was walking some faces brightened up with smiles which triggered mine to shoot up. I didn't feel myself sing but felt so good and free that I brought out that hidden voice deep down to do its work. It was slow at first then I gave the organist a signal to make it faster. Young men begun to get up, they lined up and begun to dance upfront of the altar. Both old and young women got up and also gave their freestyles. The usher hurried up to bring the offering bowls and they all came in their numbers to put something inside. Everything was in notes, even the children dropped notes. Amazing, I felt happy that I'm doing something to please God. As I was bring the song to an end, I intentionally stretched the ending and it was perfect for me. Everyone was shocked with the kind of voice I carried in this smallish body of mine. I bowed and they all stood up to give me a round of applause. They were impressed.

The pastor waved to show me a seat by him. That was the guest's seat and yes I'm the guest. After the service, people begun to congratulate me for such a marvelous performance or should I say ministration. I told them to rather direct the thanks to God, because if it wasn't for Him I won't be here to do this. I left the auditorium with the pastor and his wife but we branched to our separate ways. I went home with an uber. I thanked God for such a wonderful beginning of the day. I changed quickly and got to the kitchen to prepare something for my crying belly.

I missed my dad very much. He taught me how to cook and do chores right after my mom died. Yes, she is dead. Stroke killed her when I was just ten. Yes, I know. Stroke isn't a human but it still killed her. I sometimes miss her but not like that of my dad. I remember when I had my first period, I was screaming.
"Betty! Betty! ", dad rushed to my room but I wasn't there so he pushed the bathroom door open. There I was looking at my palms which had blood on it. He looked scared when he saw me like that, "what's wrong dear?"." I found blood in my pant and when I urinated there was more blood, see", I pointed. He stood there and begun to laugh.

"Daddy!!!!! Why are you laughing, I'm bleeding and you are laughing ",I begun to cry.
"No, no, don't cry. I was just scared something had happened to you", he smiled and cleaned my tears.
"Of course something has happened to me if not what is this", I looked at him with my teary eyes.
"It's nothing serious dear, you are now a woman. You have just begun your menstruation, some call it period ", he tried to calm me down.
"What is men-strua-.......tion? ".
"It's a period where your rich blood lining in your uterus which is located deep under you begins to scrap off since there has not been any fertilization yet by the introduction of a sperm", he could see from my face that I was totally confused.
Everything is fine dear, "Will you allow me to bath you for today". "Yes daddy".
"That's my girl", he took his time in giving me a neat clean bath which made me cry at the end because it made me remember my mom. She was the type who would run after me just because of bathing. I would always tease her about it and she will get me back by giving me a small amount of food in the evening and later tell me she did portion control on my food. I also get her back when she calls me but I refuse to hear and respond so she has to either walk all the way to my room to drag me out or do what's he wants herself. I loved to disturb them a lot.

Dad rushed to his room and came back with a diaper. I started laughing and told him I'm not a baby. He laughed more than I did and told me its called a pad. It is used by ladies or women when they begin to menstruate. He didn't waste time to line the pad in my panty and told me to wear it before I bleed again.
"Daddy? ", I frowned as I looked at him.
"Yes dear, why that at face"
"It doesn't feel comfortable, I feel weird", I begun to shift it from side to side.
"It's your first time but you will get used to it soon", he kissed my forehead.
"How many weeks will it take to stop? ",
"Not weeks dear, days. I have to steady you and know it myself. You should also do same", he became back with a box of pad.
"This used to be for your mom so now I'm giving it to you. You should change it every four hours I think, bath and wash all under garments like she taught you", he smiled and walked towards the door.
"Any more questions don't hesitate to ask me "
"Thank you daddy", I got up to tidy my room.

He passed away in the beginning of this new year. I had less than enough to bury him but had all the support I needed from my church. My songs weren't out by then so only depended on my monthly salary from the bank I worked in. All hope at a point was lost for me but I read in the Bible that all hope is never lost since we have God in our lives. I was sad through out. My boss gave me a month off and enough money to cater for myself. He liked me thou but I didn't want him to know that I knew.