13 reasons why imagines

The after Effect// C.J.

I woke up to tapping at my window. I groggily sat up and looked out to see clay. He had puffy red eyes and looked rough. " Thinking about her again?" Clay nodded and said " Its all my fault, I should've tried harder to protect her, I should've asked her if she was okay. She's dead because of me (Y/N)." I quickly wrapped my arms around his torso and led him to my bed. "Hannah is gone, but it wasn't because of you Clay. She had issues she wasn't ready to tell us. You did everything in your power to make sure she was happy and had love. You aren't Bryce. You didn't rape her, you aren't Alex, you didn't put her on the dumb list, you aren't me, you didn't choose Jessica over her. Clay you are the kindest and caring person I know and I love you so much. Hannah would've wanted you to just be happy." clay stared into my eyes and then suddenly kissed me. I was in shock and complete awe. Clay rubbed the back of his neck and quickly blurted out "I-I'm so sorry (Y/N) I don't know what came over me, that was just the sweetest and nicest thing I've been told in months, please don't let this ruin our friendship." My smile faltered and I said "Oh, uh yeah. Friends. Don't worry Clay." He sighed out in relief and said: "Thanks, you are like a sister to me, I couldn't bear to lose you too." I smiled and nodded and then awkward silence set in. "Uh, its 3 in the morning, I'm just going to go home now, Love you (Y/N)." I waved and said, "Love you Clay, a little more than you think."I whispered the last part as he was climbing out the window, praying maybe somehow he'd hear me and come pronounce his undying love for me. He didn't. "Hannah where are you? Can't you see how much this affected us?  Please come back and fix everything. I'm sorry I treated you like that. I'm a horrible and shitty person you deserved better than me. Whats evens wrong with me? Clay probably thinks I'm a disgusting excuse of a person."  I laid back down and silently cried myself to sleep. I woke up feeling horrible in my own body, but this was nothing new. I felt like this every day since her passing. I threw on leggings, a PINK shirt, and white converse with my hair in a messy bun.  Justin honked and I grabbed my bag while running outside and to the passenger side door. "So are we doing it?" I wheezed out "Yes." and he nodded and drove us to school. We parked and instead of walking to first period we walked back to the clubhouse. Justin quickly unlocked it and we sat inside. He produced out of his pocket a pipe and a bag of weed. We sat down and smoked it. Shortly after I started to feel the effects, and  I felt happy and content again. It was something to numb my pain and self-hate. I guess everyone has their own way of dealing with problems.  We stayed in there for another hour or so then decided it was time to go back. "Hey here, it's minty you won't be able to smell the weed." I nodded and thanked him while unwrapping the gum. We locked up and walked back inside through the gym and walked our separate ways to fourth period. I sat down in the back and immediately next to me, Clay slid in the seat beside me. "Where were you?" I shrugged my shoulders and said "Places." he rolled his eyes and said, "Well can we talk about Hannah?" I finally snapped and all the pressure I had released at the poor boy "No. No, we can't. You know why? because she's dead clay! I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm jealous of a dead girl. You've always liked her more than me, and I've been helplessly in love with you forever! Maybe it should've been me. So no, we can't talk about her Clay. Screw you, Jenson." I stomped out of the class and straight out the front doors. I walked home and straight up to my bedroom. I lay on my bed and realized I just confessed my feelings in the worst way possible. I started sobbing. I needed more pot, I'm starting to feel again. I hate it. I grabbed the bag hidden in my sock drawer and rolled up a joint and started smoking it. I finished it and lay down. Feeling completely drained. I curled into a ball and went into a deep slumber. I awoke later that night to Clay shaking me. "Hey (Y/N) , can we talk?" I sat up not ready for what was coming next. "So, you um, you like me?" I nodded and he smiled. "Well, you see, I uh, I like you to (Y/N). I Just don't wanna lose you too."  I frowned and said "You never will Clay." He sat there staring off deep in thought. He looked at me and then kissed me, It felt like last night all over again. "So what does this mean?" He smiled and lay down beside me and wrapped his arms around me. "It doesn't matter yet, we will take it slow and figure it out together. Me and you (Y/n)." I smiled and laid my head on his chest.

918 words. it sucks but I tried :))