"Ja-Jan?" He hesitantly ask.
I nodded when I started to cry. Then I felt his arms around me. I know he was just trying to comfort me but I felt even more sorry for myself.
I've given my virginity to someone who didn't even know it was me. I gave i...
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No. Stop this.
I don't know how long have I stared at those words. It was like an acid that burns inside me. Eating me up and melting everything.
When I first saw Jan, I was quite amazed. She looks really familiar but I know I haven't met her. I thought it was some sort of those drama kinda thing wherein it was a fate induced meeting or we've met before in our past lives.
Not to mention her quick witted remarks made when we talked was really enjoyable. It was either funny or amazing, never dull and boring.
Then I saw Hani. They are like a mirror of each other. Granted Hani was more prim and proper, conversations with Jan are much more fascinating. Still, I felt bad I stole away that New Zealand exchange student opportunity so I talked to her.
When Jan didn't bothered calling me, Hani invited me again.
Initially, I went back to talk to Jan again but in time, I fell with Hani. She's sweet and caring. Beautiful and presentable.
... and she kissed me when we met again so in the eyes of a 18, it was hard to forget her. I still enjoyed talking to Jan everytime I visited them but it was Hani that I would always get my attention.
Then the refrigerator incident. I was pacifying the biggest blue ball ever. Hani promised me that we'll do it that night. We were about to, then Jan showed up.
I really thought it was her.
That wasn't entirely true. I convinced myself Jan was Hani.
I have an idea it was Jan. The manner she walk, the way she scratches her head, I don't think Hani would look distinguishly at a carrot and cucumber, bend over without undies on in front of her boyfriend just after the fact that she told him she would sleep and I won't get any.
... but still if it was Jan, I thought she would probably knock me out cold if I didn't stop.
I told myself it was her. It was Hani. As I whispered to her. As I touch her. As I watch her squirm in pleasure. She was Hani.
When I saw the tears from her eye, a cold water washed over me. I stopped. I can no longer deny it wasn't Hani.
My relationship with Hani crumbles after that. No matter how hard I tried I can't fucking shake the fact that I cheated on her.
I didn't know if she noticed. I didn't know if she had an idea.
Jan no longer talked to me and Hani asks me to date outside more frequent than usual. I thought she told her about what happened. After all, they're sisters who am I to her to keep a secret like that.
