Dear Universe, ✔

3.

"Good morning, Annie."

Today, I give Drew a small smile before turning back to the front of the room. I instantly regret it because the smile that crossed his face afterwards meant that he thought he was making progress and that just wasn't true.

I had told Fieldan every single detail of my encounter with Ian yesterday before class, and she finally believed me that nothing spectacular happened. Before we parted ways at my locker we made plans to hang out after school to make up for yesterday, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping to see Ian later.

School drags by and since Fieldan and I don't have any classes together and I'm horrible at checking my phone, I don't see that she texted to say Harper scheduled a last minute practice for right after school.

I'm already in her driveway when I get the text.

Déjà vu.

I send her back a reply and then look at the front door. I notice that there are no other cars in the driveway, but that doesn't mean he isn't home, right?

Before I can talk myself out of it, I get out of the car and walk towards the front door. If it's locked, I'll leave. I bite my lip as I reach for the door handle and when it turns and opens, I realize just how badly I was hoping it would do just that.

I love Fieldan and she's a great friend, she really is, but having someone new to hang out with - someone who doesn't know anything other than what I tell them - it's a feeling I can't really describe. It's like I get a clean slate with Ian and I really need a clean slate.

I can hear movement coming from his room as I get closer to the door but I pause when I hear his voice.

"No, I can't and you know that I can't....please stop calling me, Mom." I hear something hit the wall and I almost turn and leave, but instead I find myself entering his room. He's pacing back and forth in front of me and I see his phone on the floor where it landed after he threw it at the wall.

When his hands are on his head like this, I can see his tattoos more clearly. They're mostly a lot of roses and vines wrapped around some words I can't read. I still can't tell how far up the sleeve goes because of his shirt, but -

"Annie." I can't tell if he's surprised and happy or surprised and disappointed to see me standing there. Sometimes it's hard to tell how Ian feels from his tone and expression, it's like he's totally void at times.

"Hey." I give a short, small wave.

"What are you doing here?"

This was probably a bad idea. Fieldan said he doesn't have any friends, maybe that's because he doesn't want any and yesterday was just him being nice.

"Uh, I...I thought that maybe we could watch some more of that show. But it's fine, I'll just go." I turn and rush out of the room. I was halfway down the stairs when I heard him coming after me.

"Annie, wait." He stops at the top of the stairwell and I turn around, ready for him to tell me that he was just being polite when he said that we could watch it together, that he isn't interested in being my friend.

"Yeah?"

"Grab us some snacks while I start it up?" The emotionless tone and expression is gone, and a dazzling smile replaces it.

"Okay." I continue down the stairs and grab some chips and cookies from the pantry along with some soda before running back up the stairs and to Ian.

This time I texted Fieldan to tell her that I was at her house and watching Netflix with Ian as a way to avoid her jumping to conclusions and freaking out again.

Ian sat on the floor for the first episode and a half, but when he came back from the bathroom break we took, I told him he could sit on the bed with me. It's a full size bed, it's not like we'd be sitting on top of each other or anything.

He hesitated at first and I thought he was going to resume his sitting on the floor, but he reached down to get his drink and then took a seat next to me before pushing play on his XBOX controller.

"So are you excited to start school on Monday?" I ask a little while later while we're taking another break - this time to refill our snacks and drinks.

He gives me a look, as if the answer is obvious. "It's school. Would you be excited?"

"Okay, fair enough." I take a soda from him as he sits back down beside me. "Do you know your schedule yet?"

With a mouthful of chips, he nods towards a folded piece of paper sitting on his desk. I get up and walk over to look at it.

"We have two classes together. English and History."

"Cool. At least I'll know one person."

"Two. You know Fieldan." I remind him.

"I doubt Fieldan will talk to me at school." He doesn't sound sad about it, he's just stating a fact. I can't argue with him either because he's probably right.

"Well, you'll have me." I sit back down and nudge his shoulder with mine as he smiles and shakes his head before hitting play.

Turns out Fieldan's boyfriend, Nate, surprised her after her practice and took her on a date so I didn't get to see her before I left.

Neither one of us mentioned the phone call with his mom that I had overheard, and we didn't do much talking but somehow that was the best four hours I have had in a long time.

Ian and I are alike in a lot of ways, I think. We both don't like to talk, we both don't have a lot of friends, and we both like the quiet. I don't know what Ian's deal is with his mom, and I don't want to ask or know unless he wants me to - just like he doesn't know what my deal is.

I think this is the beginning of a great friendship.

Dear Universe,

I hung out with my friend again today. Since that's two times in two days, I think he deserves a code name - how about Moon?

So Moon and I hung out today and it was really nice. It's weird how much I enjoy sitting in almost silence with him, and how calm I feel when we're not even talking. He has no expectations of me like everyone else and I really, really like that.

He doesn't ask when I'm going to return to cheering, he doesn't ask why I wasn't at the latest party, he doesn't ask about or apologize for my brother, he just...he just watches tv with me.

When I got home from hanging out with Moon though, I walked in on my parents fighting again.

They haven't fought in a long time, well...not that I've heard at least.

That's another thing that's my fault. They never fought before, but now that he's gone they fight all the time, over the smallest things. They try to hide it from me, but I notice things.

I notice when my dad leaves without kissing my mom goodbye in the morning. I notice when my mom is up late at night, her eyes red as she drinks coffee at the table alone.

I'm not blind.

-Star