My inner thoughts

To my boyfriend

I feel like I am not enough for you
I really like you like no one before you
But I'm not enough
I'm just a selfish shmuk
If I could spens everyday being with you
Id di anything possible to sit with you
But I'm not enough
You deserve someone better

I'm not good at a lot of things
I complain
I'm lazy
Selfish
Mean
Depressed
Attention whore
Can't even count all the things that I'm afraid of doing wrong
One if them is sharing this with you because I don't want you to hate me or think I'm just doing this cuz I want attention or it annoys you and you think in your head "My life is way worse"

I like you so much but I'm not a good girlfriend
You're perfect
You probably don't even like me
Why would you
I'm not perfect
You say I'm beautiful
But I'm not
In your eyes I'm just a doll
An object
At anytime you can just get another one
Maybe these are just the demons in my head
Maybe these are things that can't be said
But I want you to know
That's why I like you so much

You say you can't sleep
I worry
You say you hate work
I feel bad
You say midge is being a jerk
I get mad
You say your day could be better
I say be positive don't worry
You say what's up
I say the same things everyday
How do I make conversation
why would you want to with a freak like me
I felt so happy how did I end up feeling like shit
But I can't tell you cuz I want to help you
I want you to be happy
I don't want you worrying about me
I want to tell you so much
But why complain
When you have so much worse to complain about
You tell me I'm amazing
And I don't know what to do...
You send me heart emojis and tell me I'm perfect
And I don't know what to do
I call you stupid
Dumb
Dork
Shut up
Go away
Don't touch me
You get sad and I know it
I want you to kiss me
But why would you with all these words being thrown at you
I don't mean them

Perfect
Funny
Talk to me
Come back
Touch me
Love me...

That is what I mean
In my heart I want you more
I don't want to leave you but this world
This life
Is awful
I can't
I don't know
You don't care about me
What I do
What I say
Why would you
My life is boring
I sit at home
Doing nothing but watch YouTube videos and watching tv
Why would you
Trust me I know how you feel
I don't really like myself either
So I know how you feel