Personae Non Gratae (a Percy Jackson AU)

Home Is Long Gone

***Nico***

       I stared into his blue eyes and felt my heart twist in pain while also dancing in joy. This was my life now: a juxtaposition between raw pain and pure, unadulterated happiness. All of this was because of one man: Will Solace, the musician who had stolen my life, and probably would be the end of it also.

      He brushed my pallid cheeks and breathed into my ear. "I love you," he whispered so softy that I thought I had imagined it.

      Like everything between us, this was done in secret. He was in my home, which I had bought after moving out. I had gotten a job at a funeral home, which didn't make me quite a catch, but Will promised me that I was the only one he wanted. Against my better judgment, I had fallen into his arms for the first time a month ago. After denying my own identity for 12 long years, I had finally slipped-as my sister would have put it if she knew what was transpiring. 

     I had told no one. It was illegal for me to kiss him. It was illegal for my sister to know and not report me to the authorities. I was risking my life-and the life of Will-to be with him. I prayed for the strength to cut off our relationship, so that I would not lose him to death, but whenever I gazed into his blue, comely eyes, I knew that I could never say the words that would turn their still calmness into shards of ice.

     He kissed me and I tried to focus on our intimacy and the way his warm arms draped over my shoulders, but all I could think of was the men  had seen hung for being gay.  I could still smell the stench of death clinging to them and the misery in their eyes. I could never force that upon anyone-especially not Will. I had to do this to protect him. "Will," I said softly and he drew back, though his expression remained relaxed and content.

        I looked at his handsome face and hated myself for what I was going to do-for the pain I'd cause to dampen his fine features, but I knew that I'd hate myself more if he died because of me. "Will, I'm not sure that we'll work out," I started, my throat feeling as dry and rough as sandpaper.

     I tried to ignore the pain on his face and push forward. In that moment, I hated him. I hated myself for loving a man I could never be with. I hated him for forcing me to do this. I hated the government for making us illegal. "Why Nico?" he asked, his voice growing sharp with anger. "I've told you that we can work out! I'm training to be a nurse. They won't suspect us. No one will. Besides, I love you."

     I blurted out the only thing I thought I could say to make him leave. "I hate you, Will Solace," I said.

    "Nico, you're really affectionate for such a moody man," Will said.

      I racked my brain and found another false bomb to set off. "I'm cheating on you," I blurted out.

     He got up, his blue eyes blazing like the hottest part of a flame. I almost admitted to my lie, but I continued my false story. "With who?" he asked, his face a mixture of anger, shock, and misery.

     "With Thalia," I said.

     "I'm done with you, Nico," he said. "I thought you loved me. I thought that I meant something to you."  

      He left and slammed the door, leaving me feeling as if I'd been mauled by lions. I wanted to run after him and tell him that I did love him and I was only lying to save his life, but I stayed in my house. I ate half a pomegranate for breakfast and stared at my stained hands, imagining that his blood was on it, and I started to cry.

***Percy***

      I was a failure-an absolute failure. There was no getting around that fact. I woke up every morning with a heavy feeling on my chest. I couldn't even put enough food on the table to keep my mother's stomach from growling or my brother's hunger at bay. I would eat two bites for dinner and push the rest of the food on my plate to my wife, who was ravenous. When we had been married, I thought I was helping her, but all I had done was provide her a life of pain. I hated myself for that.