A Little Bit of Chaos, and a Whole Lot of Love | A Collection of Malec One Shots

nightmare

in which alec has a nightmare, and magnus is there for him.

~

A flash of light. White hot, searing pain coursing through him. Head throbbing. Black spots clouding his vision.

But none of that mattered. Not when Magnus's limp body lay unmoving beside him.

"Magnus?" He choked out, gritting his teeth against the pain as he scrambled too his feet, much too fast but too worried to care.

"Magnus." He breathed out again, dropping to his knees beside the warlock, ignoring the blood seeping through his muddied jeans. "Magnus, please say something." He begged, his voice sounding desperately pathetic even to his own ears. But he couldn't find it in himself to care.

He hoped against hope that his boyfriend would say something, anything. But he didn't.

Alec willed himself not to cry as he cradled Magnus's head in his lap, blood flowing freely through his fingers. Magnus's blood. But the tears came anyway. They streamed down his cheeks, drop after agonizingly painful drop.

Alec wanted to scream, he wanted to, but he couldn't. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out, nothing but one single, strangled moan.

The moan turned into shouts, which then turned into painstaking screams. Soon enough, yelling was the only thing he could do. His hoarse, broken voice rang through the chilly night air, the only sound that could be heard for miles.

He sat there for what seemed like forever. Hours, minutes, seconds, they all seemed to blur past. Alec was aware of nothing else, nothing but the limp object that lay in his lap.

Magnus's dead body.

And it was all his fault.

-

"Magnus!" Alec called out, snapping his eyes open as ragged gasps escaped his throat, the air in his lungs rapidly dwindling.

"Magnus?!" He called out again, his voice panic stricken. He turned his head to the side frantically, hoping to see the warlock sleeping soundly beside him.

He was greeted with cold sheets.

"Magnus..." He breathed out. Slowly, he got out of bed, taking extra care not to make any noise. He couldn't really tell why, but he couldn't bear to disrupt the still, quiet silence of the night. Not when images of losing Magnus were still flashing through his mind.

It was just a dream. He told himself. It's not your fault.

Even as he thought that, he was aware of how pathetic he sounded. If anyone was to blame for Magnus losing his magic, it was Alec.

Wiping his sweaty palms on his sweatpants, Alec quietly padded across Magnus's carpeted floor, making his way towards the kitchen as he blinked his eyes rapidly in hopes of clearing them enough to make sense of his surroundings.

Alec stumbled clumsily into the kitchen, where he was greeted with the sight of a clearly very tired warlock cooking in front of him. Despite the obvious exhaustion very evident in Magnus's posture, Alec couldn't stop the relief flowing through him.

Magnus is fine.

"Magnus?" He breathed out softly, not wanting to startle his boyfriend. "Is everything okay?"

Alec knew that nothing was okay, and that nothing ever would be for a long time, but he needed to hear Magnus speak.

"I...yes. Everything is fine, Alexander ." Magnus said stiffly, clearly unfazed about Alec's sudden appearance in the kitchen in the dead of the night.

"Okay." Alec said simply, not wanting to pressurize Magnus into talking when he didn't want to. He would come around eventually.

"What are you doing up so late?" Magnus asked, turning to face Alec, who could clearly see the hurt filling his eyes.

It's not your fault. Alec lied to himself once again, unsuccessfully. The guilt still clutched at his stomach, making him want to throw up.

"I could say the same about you." He retorted, although there was no humor in his voice. He sounded just as exhausted as Magnus felt.

In return, the warlock managed a small, watery smile that was obviously fake before locking his gaze with Alec's.

"Really. What are you doing here?"

Immediately, Alec dropped his head, averting his eyes from Magnus's piercing gaze. "Nightmare." He mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. He closed his eyes, willing his lower lip to stop trembling as the horrifying images of Magnus lying dead in his lap filled his head.

"Oh, Alexander." Magnus said softly. Alec heard the padding of footsteps, and Magnus's hand was on his cheek within seconds. Without hesitation, Alec leaned into the warm, inviting and familiar touch, gently nuzzling against Magnus's hand.

"I'm okay, Magnus, really." He said shakily. Magnus simply nodded in response.

After a moment of silence, Alec spoke again, his voice steadier this time. "But I know you're not."

Immediately, Magnus's hand left his cheek. Alec unwillingly opened his eyes, casting a worried glance at his boyfriend, who had turned away from Alec, his head drooping low.

"It's okay to be hurting, Magnus." Alec continued calmly. Despite the shaking of Magnus's shoulders, he made no move to hold him. "You don't need to hide how you feel. Especially not around me."

A tentative but comfortable silence settled between them, only interrupted by Magnus's occasional soft sobs.

Finally, Magnus turned to face Alec, tears streaming down his beautiful face.

He's just as breathtaking as ever. Alec couldn't help but think.

Instead of trying to comfort his warlock with words, Alec opened his arms instead. Without a second thought, Magnus stepped into the embrace, clutching into Alec with everything his had.

Alec, in turn, fiercely wrapped his arms around Magnus, pressing his head into his soft, jet black hair as he steeled himself against his tears, willing them to stay put on the surface of his eyes.

"I love you." Alec said softly, paying no heed to the tears slowly but steadily wetting his shirt, or the sobs emanating from Magnus that broke his heart over and over again, or the way Magnus held on to him for dear life, as if he was afraid that he would lose everything if he let go. "I will always love you, with or without magic." Alec continued, the tears beginning to fall anyway, dropping on Magnus's hair.

At that, Magnus let out a cry that shattered whatever was left of Alec's heart. He pressed his head into Alec's chest, pulling him impossibly close, his sobs getting more animalistic by the second.

"I love you, too, Alec." He choked out, his breath hot against Alec's chest. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus tighter than he thought possible, not wanting to ever let go.

"I love you, too." 

×××

[a/n:]

i hate myself.

literally every time i write a sad fic, i tell myself i'm never gonna do it again. and then i do it again, anyway.

also, #SaveShadowhunters . hell yeah, we got motherf**king airplane banners.

this fandom is incredible.

all the love,
dana.