Part Of Me

Chapter 2

Journal :

I am thankful for writing because it lets out some of my anger. I dont understand my frustration honestly. I always say how I want to leave this place. This house has to be at least 100 years old. The walls and ceiling are cracking. . I always say to my self that I want to run away, just pack a bag and go. I never did for some reason. But now I am being forced to leave. I have no say in it. I dont know how Dad can just pack up and go. No one seems to give to shits about mom. This is her damn house. Its all thats left of her! I cant believe in 3 months it will be a year that she has been gone! Man do I miss her.

Its now about 11:30 and I can't sleep. My mind is just over flowing with thoughts. However I make my way to the kitchen and I sip on a glass of milk.

"Oh Harry you are up?" Michelle says walking in the kitchen. Shit.

"No i'm sleep walking"

"Funny... How are you doing?" I can tell shes referring to earlier.

"I could be better"

"Yeah I know, we left it kind of last minute to tell you."

"I dont need your fucking apologies." She looks slightly offended by my choice of words.

"Just a question, why is it suddenly a big deal? You always say you want to leave this damn house"

"Its complicated"

"Harry, I know we don't have these type of moments but you know you can tell me anything"

Shes being to nice, its creepy.

"Um. Uhhh. Yeah."

"Good. So why?"

"Drop it all ready! Holy shit! You wont understand nobody will!"

"Try me"

I shake my head. I don't have the energy to talk about this. I try to end the conversation by going upstairs. But I stop on the first step to the kitchen stairs. I turn to Michelle who is now sitting at the island and looking at me. "Because of mom." I confess to her

"What?" Michelle says. Shes playing dumb. She knows exactly what I am talking about.

"I think my problem is I don't want to leave this house because of mom."

"Oh" I was kind of expecting more of a response.

"Its been almost a year and I still can't accept it."

"Sometimes these situations take time"

"Ha.. I remember the last time I was up talking late like this with mom. I had to be at least 14 and we talked and talked for hours about a school crush I had."

I say reliving the memory in my head.

Many other memories rush through my head.

"Awe, thats sweet!" Michelle smiles.

" This hole house is a memory..." I smile trying to fight the tears I feel coming.

Michelle doesn't reply.

"This whole damn house is a memory!!" I repeat, but louder.

Throwing the glass of milk that I was drinking across the room. Pacing back and forth running my fingers through my hair.

"Harry!" She shouts. I search the room for another object. Next thing I know I see one of the Islands chairs in the air. Being launched from my arm.

"Harry stop!" She yells. Her annoying high pitch voice goes right through me. I feel more anger building in the pit of my stomach.

I have no control over my actions. I dont even know what I am doing. I tossed another chair along with plates and glasses that were left on the table. Michelle's arms reach around my back holding my hands. I just collapsed to the floor. Noticing what I have done. I am sweating, I cant breathe, my chest feels tight. Michelle lets go and sits down indian style next to me.

"Harry you need to calm down"

"You don't fucking get it!" No one ever will!" I snap

"Tell me! No one can help you if we dont know whats wrong!" She makes a valid point.

"This is moms house." I shout.

"Yes. I am aware you've mentioned that serval times tonight."

"So am I the only fucking one remembering this was moms house when she was raised. Then she raised me alone because dad was always at work. This house is moms life!"

"Ahhh. I see whats happening here."

"What?"

"When your mom died clearly you weren't expecting it. None of us were. Since you and her were so close its still hard on you. This house is all you have left of her. You want as much as you can have of her."

"N-nooo"

"Harry.."

"I dont wanna loose her! Again."

"I know, Harry, I know."

"I just want my mom back." I can't help but cry. Michelle attempts comforting me by putting her arm around me as I cry like a baby. God I cant believe I actually talked about this.