Remember back in highschool when you used to be that 'quiet until you get to know me' girl. When you used to think your life was boring and dull but was too afraid to try something new. Remember when you knew everything about school but nothing when it comes to your life. Remember when you had big dreams, lots and lots of big dreams that had no connection to each other , dreams that seemed impossible that sometime you would doubt yourself, dreams of future careers instead of future happiness. Remember when you felt like you had to put on a facade with certain people because of fear. Remember how you had mistrust for the human race even though you knew the problem was with you. Remember when you'd spent nights awake into the next day, trying to make the situation better but ending up questioning your sanity. Remember when you were afraid of the future , you were unsure of where you'd end up in life , you were unsure who were the people who actually cared about you and would stick around. Remember when you used to be nice to everyone because you knew you had a problem with being too violent so you covered it up with frosting and sprinkles, but in the end just ended up being 'too nice'. Remember trying your very best to understand and connect with people around you but felt judged instead. Remember when you used to hate how masculinity was overpraised in this society and how womanliness was looked down upon but you still acted as manly as a woman could be. Remember when you would only cry like once a year even when you wanted to cry all the time but was scared of judgement from others. Remember when you used to hate what other people liked even if you liked it first. Remember when you used to do the same thing, same schedule everyday. Remember when you felt insecure when people looked at you even when they were admiring you. Remember when you used to feel drained after a long day of human interaction and just suddenly got moody, but you still tried to be nice to others instead of just biting their heads off even though you wanted to. Remember all those times you felt weak and useless, like that time one of your friends was crying and you wanted to help but didn't know what to do and wes scared of saying the wrong things, and you felt so guilty you wanted to literally die. Remember when you were so ready for your life to end that you used to pray about not waking up the next morning, but then realised that the devil was testing you so you decided to live again. Remember when you gave in to temptation even when at the back of your mind the voice of Jesus was telling you not to do it. Remember how you used to hate yourself when you came to, how you'd wish you were a stronger and better person.
Remember when you used to hate people but still cared about what they think of you?
Do you remember... Me?
Sincerely
She who was left behind
