How Much? (Fransykes)

Chapter 12

Oli's P.O.V.

I...Um....I,...Josh....I lost Josh,.....two days after he finished his notebook, well, after he finished his part on it cause he couldn't write that and I had to and...fkglfkjgn.. Oh god damn it.

Well....So...I....I told him how, like, I'm not good at this. I can't write. I'll, I'll mess it up. I'll mess up all this work that he did on writing about us. I don't wanna mess it. I really don't. I....FUCK!

I promised Josh, I promised him to continue this. His notebook. It's his life story. He, I also promised not to erase anything. He said that even if I write something that I don't like I should just leave it there and continue. I guess he wanted this to be as true and honest as possible. I'm calmer now I think I can do it. Finally I can finish this and write the part that Josh isn't able to write. Those first lines, I tried writing then the day after his funeral. I couldn't. In the end I throw the notebook on his side of our bed and walked out of the bedroom slamming the door close behind me. I would sleep on the couch for the next two mothes. There was to much empty space for me on that bed. I couldn't stand it.

Well, my first statement was true though. Josh, He passed away two days after he finished the story. I will never forget that night, the night that lead to the worst day of my life. It was late and we had just finished watching a movie in the living room. It was 2013's 'The Great Gatsby'. Our empty vegan pizza boxes were left on the coffee table. Levi and Oskar were long gone passed out on the side of the couch. Josh loved the movie. I liked it too. There was a cover of a song in there that we both loved. Once is was over I stood up, fixing my t-shirt and looking down at him. He smiled. I loved this boy's smile so much.

I smiled back and mouthed that I'll take Levi to his bed. Josh reached to the side. He touched Levi's head softly and planed a kiss on his forehead. He nodded and me. He looked so tired. I bent down and picked Levi carefully. Just right before I turn to the hallway Levi spoke up with his eyes still close.

"Goodnight momma, I love you."

"I love you too baby. Sweet dreams."

I saw Josh smiling sadly, maybe tearing up? I'm not sure. I always though that it was easier to not pointed out whenever he was getting emotional. It would happen sometimes. Our situation was nothing but easy. I couldn't dream of understanding him but I want to believe that I tried and did my best.

Levi had already fallen asleep on my arms by the time I reached his bed and tucked him in. I walked back to the living and scratched the back of my head while looking around and picking up the empty pizza boxes.

"So, I'll put these in the kitchen and then we should head to bed too, what do you think?"

Josh nodded and smiled at me as he cared Oskar's head.

Once I putted the boxes away I came back to the living room once again right on time as Josh was slowly standing up. I went behind him and lift him up on my arms. I looked at him and winked as he made a little only half annoyed sound.

"Allow me Mr." I joked and he hitted my arm playfully. And...weakly.

I gave him a quick peck on the lips as I walked us both in our bedroom. I placed Josh on his side of the bed and made sure that he is as comfortable as possible. I got everything ready and light on the little lamp on his side of the bed before turning off the bedrooms lights.

Once I carefully sat down next to him, I got my legs under the blanket and rested my back on my pulled up pillow. Josh liked to talked before sleeping. He would get him relaxed and sleepy. So, just like any other day I expected him to start a calm and simple converseaton.