Seven: Time and Effort

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Yep, THURSDAY

I really wanted to crawl into bed, hide under the covers, and just sleep for a day but no one would let me. Owen said we still had things to talk about, now more than ever, and Victor told me I wasn't allowed to hide from them, and all of them just looked so—so— so wretched that I had to buck up and not run away.

And it wasn't even like I felt guilty or scared or anything, it was just so much emotion all in one place and yeah, a great deal of pressure landed square on my shoulders to deal with it all because I was the girlfriend. I had fourteen upset and hurting boyfriends, and no one else could fix that but me.

We went back out to the carriage house and there was some unspoken agreement that I was no longer going to be off sitting in a chair separate from all but one of them, that we needed physical closeness as much as communication. I ended up on the long side of the couch, Kota on one side and Luke on the other, with Gabe, Corey, and Nate sitting on the floor against the couch right in front of me.

Everyone else pulled in tighter too. The coffee table was pushed completely away — laptops abandoned for now — and chairs moved forward. Everyone was sitting — I think we were all a little wrung out to dry at this point — even Owen and Axel. Of all of them, I had trouble meeting the eyes of those two in particular, I know I hurt them more than anyone and that's saying a lot. But it wasn't as if I was unscathed.

We all kind of settled in and then I got up again, and there was some confusion-slash-distress until I came back from the kitchen with a bag of frozen peas and an ice pack from the first aid kit, both wrapped in towels, and handed them to Raven and Brandon respectively. When I gave him his, I touched Brandon's hand and he looked at me with those sorrowful eyes and nodded, grabbing my hand and squeezing it lightly. But when I approached Raven, he wouldn't even look at me, and it hurt my heart, but he also didn't pull away when I ran my fingers through his hair, and that would have to be enough for now. I climbed back into my spot passing between Gabe and Corey, and Gabe grabbed my foot and gave it a squeeze as I lifted it past him, and Corey waited until I sat and rested his head against my knee.

But somehow my designated area on the couch had shrunk, and the only way I could fit is if I leaned against Kota and had one leg over Luke's lap, but I guess that's how it had to be, right?

"Can you tell us what happened? After registration?" Owen asked, and for all my railing against being called Miss Sorenson, I realized with a pang that I missed it. That it wasn't him putting distance between us, it was no less of a term of affection than darling or kitten. I needed to tell him that, as soon as we were alone.

"I left the school and met two football players, Rocky and Jay. At that time, I was a little put-off by them: Rocky was too forward and Jay was too suspicious. I rode home with my dad, and after how he'd treated me at registration, I couldn't stand to be even in the same house as him so when we got back, I went for a walk in the woods behind my house. I used to walk there a lot, when I was still in school before, so I'm really familiar with all the paths. When I was out there, I ran into Rocky again. He runs a bunch of miles a couple times a week — I can't remember exactly what he said — in different places around the area. He wasn't aggressive this time, we just exchanged a couple pleasantries and he laughed at a joke I made, and then he left. And I went a different direction and came out at the gas station on the other side, on the county highway. And I only mention it because there was an older guy there who really creeped me out, so much that after I paid for my stuff and he was at the register, I ran and hid inside the tree line to make sure he left. When he came out of the building, I think he looked for me, then finally gave up, got in his car, and drove off."

"Did he do something?" Owen asked, "Or was it just a feeling you got?"

"He... he stood too close to me, you know? In line. I didn't know he was there and he was too close, so when I stepped back to leave, I ran into him. And the place was pretty much empty, so he had no reason to be that close except to get that result. And when I turned to apologize, he was looking at me, and it felt... I really wanted a shower afterward."

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