Chapter 53

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Bucky paces relentlessly across the floor of the Quinjet.

His mind won't put him to ease, his body is locked tight, taut, tension all across his shoulders and back.

"I shouldn't have left--back then, now, ever. I'm not going to leave again."

He'd promised her. 

Laying on the cold wooden floor of his bare apartment where his arms had wrapped around her, his fingers had stroked her cheeks, wiping the tears that fell.

"Spokoystviye. Spokoystviye." He repeats, shutting his eyes and letting his worries melt away into something deeper, something colder.

Calm. Calm.

His training is demanding him to go back.

Go back and get his Dark Witch. Go back because he left her behind when he shouldn't.

"Bucky?"

Bucky raises his head at the mention of his name, realizing that Steve was glancing at him from where he sits, hands on the control wheel. "You alright?" 

The former Winter Soldier could only look away, unsure how to respond only that there was a growing hole in his chest.

"I know you're anxious," Steve began as he swipe at a couple of controls and set it on autopilot. He's scratching the back of his neck as he stands, facing Bucky whose pacing hasn't stopped. 

"What's gonna happen to your friends?" Bucky asked instead, dark eyes glistening with remorse.

Steve stares ahead. Bucky can see the weight of the burden pulling him in from the way his frown deepens. 

"Whatever it is... I'll deal with it."

Bucky frowns, unsatisfied with the vague answer. 

"I moya ved'ma?" He asked out loud before blinking at once. 

And my Witch?

Steve nods in understanding waiting for Bucky to lapse at his own pace. He'd spoken Russian again.

It's tough to find the words, to form them, and to explain the exact emotions he currently felt. Bucky takes a couple of moments to make sure his next words wouldn't come out in a different language, but when he speaks, it's simple, it's direct. It's a name. 

"Lorelie?" He repeats himself with a sigh.

The name causes Steve to flinch. The Super Soldier doesn't even meet Bucky's eyes.

What could Steve say? What could either man say?

Bucky remembers the way she stood in their way, shouting at them, at him, to just run, leave her, because it didn't matter if they stopped the fake doctor. She'd risked her own life, her own freedom, and her dignity, if only to save everyone else.

What did he do in return?

Nothing. 

He left her. 

Bucky knew he was no better than Steve, no better than everyone else in this divided team, because when Lorelie looked at him with those eyes, he'd simply ignored it, choosing instead to do what he thought was right, but what is right in this situation?

Nothing was ever black and white.

Actions have consequences. Choices have ends. Decisions have conclusions. 

No one is ever right or wrong. 

Just like Steve when he allowed her heart to break open, to shatter like a hammer to glass. Just like himself, when he chose to follow the Super Soldier. 

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