Best + Bitter = Better

Four days after

"Geoff!" Rebecca cries as she belts out of the house to Geoff's car that had pulled into the driveway a second ago.

The car turns off and Geoff climbs out with his arms wide open, "Beccs!" Geoff imitates as he pulls his sister into a tight hug.

Rebecca pulls back and looks at his face, she looks concerned. "Have you been crying?" She asks as she lets go and starts reaching for the boot to get his stuff out.

Geoff sniffs and rubs at his eyes before grabbing one of his bags. He doesn't reply until Rebecca gently grabs his forearm and makes him look at her. "Yeah," He sighs in defeat. "But it's fine, I'm over it." He lies. He is not fine, but that doesn't mean it has to ruin thanksgiving.

Rebecca can tell he's lying, but decides not to push it. "So, how've you been?" Between them, they have all his bags, so they go inside. Their parents are out shopping, getting a few things to be ready by tomorrow.

"I've been okay, I guess." Geoff replies, dumping his bags on the living room floor and flopping onto the sofa. "Uni is tiring, but I'm doing okay. You?"

Rebecca slumps down next to him and nonchalantly replies, "Yeah, I've been okay. Work is boring, but what can I say? A job is a job and it pays the bills."

Geoff smiles at his sister's response. "I'm not sure if I'd rather have a job or stay in uni, " He looks over at his sister with a playful smirk. "But I have to say, you're not talking it up very well." His sister elbows him in his ribs, laughing. Geoff has missed these times; just being with his sister and laughing.

Over dinner, he sat with his sister and parents - catching up on life. Awsten still played on Geoff's mind, but it was more of a niggling rather than an intrusive thought. It was at night, in Geoff's childhood bedroom, when Awsten came crashing into his mind all over again. Geoff wasn't a cryer, but he came very close. He was sad, but sad is a more complex emotion. It's a mixture of guilt, anger, disappointment in himself and so many other confusing emotions that Geoff couldn't make sense of. He sighed, dragging himself out of bed, going to his sister's room. She always knows what to do.

He knocked on her door twice and left a gap then knocked again. It was a knock they had made up as kids. It meant that they had to have a secret meeting that they couldn't tell their parents about. Rebecca was at the door in a  heartbeat, a concerned expression graced her face. Geoff stepped in with light footsteps; like they always did when they were little.

They both sat on Rebecca's bed, criss-cross, staring at each other.  Even with her hair in a half-fallen out bun and an old Beatles shirt on, she still looked like the prettiest girl in the world to Geoff.

"I'm having guy issues." Geoff starts and finishes stiffly. A million regrets flash across his mind, including coming in here. They sit for a second, both debating what they should say and when.

When it was obvious, Geoff wasn't going to say anything else, Rebecca asked, "Is it Awsten?" Geoff looked flabbergasted and taken aback.

"How did you know?"  Geoff asked, genuinely impressed. He watched his sister sigh and hand him a bottle of water from her nightstand.

"Well, you always give him a lift home and he always leaves rubbish in your car on the way back." She pauses to laugh. "And so you usually take it all out, complaining bitterly about how you'll never let him in your car again. That is until the next time it happens and the whole thing repeats." Rebecca smiles. A ghost of a smile floats over Geoff's lips, remembering the memories. "So what's going on?"

Geoff takes a second to respond. "I— I uh... I fucked up." He didn't look up at his sister. "I just— yeah... I fucked up." He started picking at his fingernails.

He only looks up when his sister speaks, "What happened?" She gently rubs his knee and notices how fragile he looks.

He huffs slightly, it seems like he is mad at himself. "Y'know how he's gay?" He looks up to see if his sister did. She nods, so he continues, "Yeah, he thinks I'm homophobic." Geoff forces a laugh through his lips and leans back, so he doesn't burst into tears.

"He thinks your homophobic?" Rebecca chokes. "But, Gee, you're like the least homophobic person in the world. Do you remember that time you took Grace to Pride?" This makes Geoff smile - the memory of taking Beccs' best friend to Pride because she was too sick and Grace was too shy to ask anyone else to go with her. So, Geoff suggested he go with her because he's such a gentleman.

"Yeah." Geoff breathes. "I know, but I get why he thinks I am." He only stops to take in his sister's confused expression. "It's because I was talking to Jawn and mentioned how I thought I was homophobic..."

"Why would you think that?" Beccs asks. She knows her brother better than anyone.

"Because I don't like seeing him with his boyfriend. Awsten and his boyfriend together makes this feeling bubble up inside of me and I just can't explain it." Geoff sighs, angrily threading his fingers through his hair. "God, I'm so stupid!" He whisper yells to himself. His face is red and he has the urge to punch something. He buries his face in his hands.

"Geoff?" Rebecca asks in a quiet, concerned tone.

"What?" Geoff snaps in a soft tone.

Rebecca pulls his hands away from his face and takes them in her hands. He looks at her, eyebrows furrowed and slightly pouty lips. "I'm gonna say something and you might not like it, okay?" She looks for a reaction, but he only seems to get more confused. "Have you— have your ever—" She sighs and starts again. "Have you ever thought that maybe it's because you're gay?"

Geoff's face drops. He looks at her hard for a second, then gets up without a word. He walks quietly back to his room. Maybe he is gay.