Life and Music

We think too much

Have you ever thought long and hard about just one thing for too long and just get stuck on it. That's literally my everyday life. I get stuck on just one subject and then I can't get it out of my head. A certain thought that keeps coming into my head is that I will not be happy as an adult. Everyone in my family seems to think that it is ok to tell me that the friends that I have in high school will not last. What they don't really know is that is why I don't seem to think that I have to try hard for friends because Hey they won't be there when it's all over. 

I also think about my family in the future quite a lot. Like how will it be when I'm not around here to be the supporter or the person in my family who sees the shit like it really is. I have wondered that for a very long time. I think like most people I think about the future of the people around me and me for that matter. Like right now I am in high school and I don't actually 100% know where I will be after I graduate. That sucks total ass because I am the person in my family where everyone is expecting me to do all the great things, make a lot of money, and never have to struggle with anything and have a nice house to live in. I think you get the picture. In reality, I have no idea what I am gonna do with my life and I have 2 years left of school. I don't know what I am gonna be or if I will find someone to help me figure out what I want to be or even give my grandmother grandchildren. 

 I think that I have a little too much pressure on myself and that is totally inflicted upon myself from myself. Now that doesn't say that my grandma is totally not going to be held responsible for threatening to kill me if I get anything below a C. (Don't take that too seriously I don't think she would ever intentionally hurt me) That's the thing about being an Aquarius, I think too much and never let people help me  stop thinking. I'm going to be honest I think that a very big reason I stopped seeing the summer fling guy is not only because I hate myself but because I couldn't stop thinking for five seconds. Long enough for him to tell me how much he liked me and how much he was excited for us to hang out and just be in each others company. I was just questioning his intentions so much and I just didn't know how to tell him so he could help me and I didn't know how to stop doing it in the first place. I hope he never sees this the only way he could is if my best friend showed it to him or sent him a link but I don't think they talk to each other and I don't think she would do that to me in the first place. 

The song is by Lil Peep. R.I.P He passed and I can't remember when, sorry but this song puts me into my feels and I really relate to it so I hope someone else does too.