Would It Hurt?

Chapter II • Anna's POV

I remember falling completely unconscious that night after what had happened. I can't recall how or when it started, but the last thing I can remember is everything being clouded with red, before everything went blank and I felt nothing. I assumed that was where I fainted. Maybe it was shock, maybe it was blood loss; I didn't know, and probably never would.

I remember being barely awake at one point. I could hear my parents' voices. They sounded afraid. I could feel their hands on my face. I remember hearing my own voice, slurred and incomprehensible. I know that I tried to convince them that I did this to myself. They believed me. I don't remember exactly what I said, but that's the point I tried to get across.

I remember everything feeling blank again.

I remember actually waking back up, not knowing where I was. The smell of whatever room I was in was all too familiar. I assumed I was in the hospital. Something didn't feel right, though. I felt as if I couldn't move, as if everything were crumbling down around me. I remember...seeing it all. I soon discovered that I really couldn't move. I couldn't hear anything, either. Soon, I could only see. I only saw everything becoming more and more corrupted. Then, I heard a voice.

I remember waking up.

I woke up and saw absolutely nothing. I knew I was really awake now. Maybe it was because I could actually feel things around me, maybe not. I knew I was still in the hospital, though. The room was pretty quiet, until I heard a door open and what I assumed to be more than one person walking in.

"Anna?" I heard a calm voice say. I didn't recognize it, but I looked towards where I heard the voice. I had to have looked in the wrong direction, since I heard a soft, "Over here."

Looking back, I waited for another response. I heard the person say, "Someone's here to see you. She says she's a friend of yours. Is that okay?"

I nodded, not really knowing who the voice was talking about. A friend? I don't have that many, unless it was...

I heard the door close and someone continue to walk towards me. I felt myself become tense, only having a few ideas of who it could be. Soon, the steps stopped and everything went pretty quiet again. This didn't make anything better, though.

I heard a voice after a long, uncomfortable silence. One that was much too familiar to me, "...Anna, hi."

Anna. That wasn't me. I'm not the Anna I and everyone else knew. That's just not me. I'm not Anna anymore. I don't know who I am. Anna. That's not me anymore. Anna. I don't know who that is anymore. Anna. Who even am I?

"Anna?" There it was again.

"Oh." I knew who it was. "Hey, Playtime." Everything sounded much louder than I remembered it being. I tired to ignore it. I jumped when I felt something touch my shoulder, then make its way slowly down my arm. I soon realized that it was Playtime running her finger along my arm, which was odd. I tried to ignore it.

     "Anna," she said quietly, her finger continuing to make its way down my arm, which started to give me chills. I tired to ignore it. I guess I didn't respond. I hated the way she said my name.

     "Anna." She said once again, this time a little more stern. She linked her fingers with mine. I didn't react.

     "Yes?" I finally replied. I could barely hear my own voice. I wasn't myself. I wasn't Anna. I didn't hear a response. I got worried she was just staring at me. I decided to change the subject. "...Why are you the only one here?"

     "That doesn't matter." She replied instantly, as if she were hyped up on caffeine. I could tell she wasn't, though. Something was different about her. I just couldn't pinpoint it.

      "...Well, what about—"

     "You don't need to worry about your parents right now." She hissed. I felt almost guilty. I tried to ignore it.

     "But, why...where are they?" I asked. They weren't here. At least, I didn't think so. Why?

     "Because, Anna, I'm the only one that really, really loves you." She sounded angry again.

     Was that true? Maybe. Maybe she was the only one that loved me. That's why she did what she did, after all. I should be grateful. I don't know why I'm not. I don't know why I'm afraid. Why can't I ignore this one? My mind started racing and soon gave me a headache. I ignored it this time.

     "Aaaannnaa..." She sang. I hated the way she said my name. I felt like she had taken it. Like she had taken me. I was no longer Anna and I never would be. She made my name sound like a disease, a plague. I hated it. It made my head pound and gave me a chill. It wasn't me. She made it sound broken, like an old record that was incomprehensible beyond repair. "You love me too, right?"

    I didn't know how to reply. "...Yes." I thought it was a lie. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. I had always loved her; she'd only ever done what was right for me. She knows me better than I know myself. She knows Anna. I don't. I should love her. Something was wrong with me. Maybe she would know.

     Her grip on my hand tightened. It startled me. I ignored it. "I'm glad." She said quietly. "You're the only person I need, Anna. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't know you." She didn't sound genuine to me. "...And I'm the only person you need." Her voice became cold and flat. "Right?"

     "Yes." I replied again. It was best to just believe her at this point. I had nothing else left. That's what I was convinced. "You are."

     "Thank you, Anna." She said. I could tell she was smiling. I hated her. I hated what she had done and the way she had betrayed me. I loved her. I loved the way that she knew me better than anyone else and never left my side. That's why she did this. It was because she loved me. I don't hate her, I love her. Thats what she told me and what I told myself. Nothing fit together, though. Maybe I'd just need to think. But I couldn't. Every thought collided with another and thinking about this all gave me a headache that I could no longer ignore. Maybe I was just confused. I didn't know. I knew nothing. I don't know who I am.

     "Anna," I heard Playtime say again, her words feeling like a rope around my neck that I knew I wouldn't be able to get rid of. I heard her stand up, slowly letting go of my hand. I felt a small part of me not wanting her to let go. I ignored it. "I need to go. Promise me you'll still be here tomorrow?" I didn't know how I'd know that. "I'll be here every day. I know you'll be lonely without me." Her words almost sounded like a tease. "Okay?" She chimed.

     I guess I didn't respond again.

    "...Okay?" She snapped. I must have aggravated her again. My mistake.

     "Okay." I mumbled. Thankfully, it was enough for her to hear. She laughed and it sounded like she had skipped out of the room. Soon, the door shut.

     I didn't want to think. It hurt my head. It was confusing. I waited until I couldn't feel anything anymore. I wanted to dream again. I can see in my dreams. I don't have to worry about who I am. I don't have to think. I don't have to be confused. Things are okay when I'm not in reality.

     Sometimes, I wish I was never in reality.

[Word Count: 1341 words]