It Was Always You

Chapter 23: Choosing Myself

I didn't know where I was going, but I knew that I had to get away from there. I just walked, and walked, until I couldn't stand. I collapsed to the ground with tears streaming down my face. Why did it turn out like this? I just wanted to be happy.....but who am I kidding was I ever truly? I looked up at the night sky, and it no longer held its beautiful shine, as it was blurred by the endless tears. Only a few cars passed by this late at night, and other than myself there was no one outside this late. I drew my knees close to my chest and cried into them. Soon, it felt like I was running out of air, as I was gasping, wanting for this weight on my chest to be gone so I could breathe.

After a few minutes, I felt I hand on my shoulder. I looked and saw Ren standing above me with sympathetic eyes. He offered his hand, which I gladly took. I stood hesitantly, while my legs were shaking beneath me. Once up, Ren brought me into his arms and held me tight.

"Hey, I know everything right now might seem like the world is crashing all around you. But just remember that everything will turn out okay in the end. For right now, how about staying with Jihyo hyung? I've already called him, and he says that they have room for you."

I could only nod slowly. Fatigue was settling in on me, quickly. I could barely comprehend what was happening. I was soon lifted up onto Ren's back. He carried me to his van, not far from the apartment complex.

I woke curled into warm bed and soft blankets. I didn't recognize the room till I fully woke myself up. Jihyo oppa's place... I sighed. I started to stand, but the pounding in my head when I stood, and the dizziness I felt brought me crashing. I yelped, and the door immediately opened to a very concerned Jihyo. I looked up with helpless eyes, filling with tears once again. How could I have let myself become this weak...

"O-oppa..." I choked out.

He knelt down and hugged me tight, "Hey, it's going to be okay."

I gripped onto his shirt tight, "I-Is it really?"

Pulling away to look at me, "You have made it this far, and although I can't guarantee that everything will turn out good, but you will be stronger for it. And you are the strongest person I know."

I rubbed at my eyes, trying to get the tears to stop, "W-What do I do?"

"What does your heart say? If you had to choose right now, who would you choose?"

"I-I don't know...."

My tears were coming to a stop, as I began to think. But the more I thought, the more angry I became at the situation. Why did everything turn out like this?! I just want someone who will love and protect me, and in turn I would do the same! Is that so hard to ask for?! I want someone to be happy with, no I just want to be happy. And right now, that isn't with either of them.

"(Y/N)?"

"I choose neither. I choose myself. I want to be happy, and clearly that isn't with either of them. I decided to go to America because I wanted to achieve my goals, I was able to choose myself then so I am choosing myself again. I have the right to be selfish. After all the confusion, and pain, I deserve to be happy."

I finally looked at Jihyo, and he smiled at my resolve, "There's the strong girl I know."