This is based off a head cannon of mine.
[Taps the mic] (drunkenly): Is dis shit on?
Well, you're all complainin' so I'll jus take that as a yessss.
Annabeth, you're a fat, ugly, skank. But I love you. And I hope you give up your skanky ways by getting married.
Percy, you are such a dickhead. But that's why I love you man. Because you are a part of the male's genitals.
[Takes a sip of champagne.] This is a nice wedding. Yeah, it really is. Not Aphrodite's best work, but........
And now don't even get me started on the horribleness of marrige. Guys, you may think you want to spend the rest of your life with that woman, but just wait until she has her first baby. Then you'll be thinkin' "The fuck was I thinkin'?"
[Takes another sip.] [Point's to the front table.] I see Dr. Chase is here. That's cool. Never heard of any of your work sir, but you're a Dr., so that's pretty sweet if you ask me.
[Looks around then stops and looks stunned.] [Points to one of the middle tables.] OH MY GODS! LOOK! IT'S JEFF SEAFORD AND GABBY MONTOYA! NO WAY MAN! HOW DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THIS?!
[Someone off stage whispers in his ear.] [He stares off into space.] I've just been informed that they're family of the groom. So........sorry.
[Person whispers something to him again.] [He stares blankly for a second, then looks even more stunned than before.] OH. MY. F-ING. GODS. THEY'RE THE PARENTS OF THAT HOT BABE OVER THERE! AND THAT HOTTIE JUST HAPPENS TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND! HOW THE FUCK DID I MANAGE TO PICK UP A CHICK THAT HOT?! I MEAN JUST LOOK AT HER! [Points to Sam.] How can you look at her and say that she's not beautiful? [Get's close to the mic and looks around.] By the way, if you do that then I will find you and I will rip your legs off.
[Two large guys walk up on stage.] (Speaking Quickly): I Wish a long, happy marrige to Annabeth and Percy Jackson. I will leave now.
