This Book Isn't About Clouds

| TWO | A Brief Eulogy For Myself.

Dearest Jordan,

You certainly are a terribly sweet kid. It's unfortunate, it really is. People put you under some sort of mind set that you're a freak, which is only sightly true. If only you had taken your time to discover who you are, rather than rushing into it (like Christians to Applebee's after lent); Maybe you wouldn't have eaten yourself into Walmart's finest plus size selection if you had given everything time. Though, as we both know, you like outcomes the way that you like your delivery take out; fast and foreseen. That means no surprises, no 'ex girlfriends' coming into the mix, no blue cheese on your god damn chicken finger pizza. You know, 'the works'. But, at the very least you didn't allow others to effect your decisions. You never did drugs, you seldom drank. (Unfortunately, you didn't stick to celibacy in that regard; though the idea to drink a Mike's Hard at the Hickville your parents call 'camp' was no result of peer pressure.) You're still probably one of the most morally static teenagers that I know, even at seventeen. Sure, you once were questioning who you are, but, you'll stop that eventually. You're a lesbian, cheese stick infatuated, plus sized idiot. You cry over cute girls, attractive women and the bi-weekly 'emo crack' that you follow, like moth's to a flame. Every. Single. Upload.

On a more positive note, you now know how to stand up for yourself. You no longer hide behind others when someone calls you a 'quivering pussy' and tries to degrade you, verbally. You respond with something like "Yeah, your mom's got a pretty good one" or something stupid like that. You make a joke out of everything and everyone that attempts to defy your moral, emotional or oriented compass.

That's it for now. Don't be afraid to be yourself, weirdo. It's the only thing we have, inevitably. It's really the only thing we can hold onto...that is, besides our obsession with the 'BeeBoo Urie Throwing Another Tantrum', videos.

This is just the beginning. A prelude to everything else i'm about to write in this digital journal. Or, as the 'kids' say, sister's about to spill the tea.