July 4th, 2012
So, today, at the mall, Ethan was a dick. As always. But you can't help but love his dickface demeanor. It's so refreshing.
He has the balls to say anything to anyone. Someone pisses him off? He tells them right off. Like today, in the food court some kid walked into him and he yelled at him, saying things like, "Hey, twat waffle. Next time you run into someone at least say sorry." or "I'll fuck your punk ass up, bitch!" He's just so ballsy. I wish I was able to do that.
I am way too socially awkward to yell at someone for bumping into me like he is. I don't even have the guts to tell Ethan off for being a total fuck face, and he's my best friend, let alone some random kid in the hall. I wish I knew how he did it...
Well, this is my internal monologue, and I think it's time I start talking about my feelings. That's what monologues have in them, right? Feelings? I don't remember, it's been a while since I've read a play. Whatever. Let's just get to this crap.
Emotions
e·mo·tion [ih-moh-shuhn]
noun
an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.
So let's talk about these emotions one at a time, yes?
Joy
My joy is felt when Ethan and I are sitting in the food court, sitting in our corner, watching people talking and narrating what we think that they are saying. Sometimes things get so wrong and horrible, but it just gets so funny.
Today we were watching these preppy girls, and I was being the blonde, and Ethan was being the brunette.
"I don't know Lizzy. The pregnancy test read positive." He mocks in a high voice.
"Just use the coat hanger method. That's what I did, and look at me, still no baby."
"Thanks Lizzy. You make me feel so much better" The brunette leaned over and hugged her friend.
It's so horrible, and so wrong, but I can't help but laugh. He's just so funny!
Sorrow
My sorrow is felt every time I step into my house. My parents aren't very supportive of my change of heart. They think something happened to me, like I was raped or other horrible things like they. They think that's the only way for me to have such an intense change of heart so quickly.
They've started sending me to a therapist, and all I do is sit there in silence for an hour, and leave. I've tried telling my parents that they're wasting their time, but they won't listen. Whatever then.
Fear
I feel fear at every moment of the day. I fear everything. I fear losing my best friend. I fear losing my parents. I fear failing a class. I fear being raped. I fear being mugged. I fear being noticed. I fear being hated. I fear so many things.
But most of all I fear myself.
Hate
I feel hate all the time. I hate everything, and nearly everyone.
Like
I like my parents. I like Ethan. I like pasta. That's it.
So there you go, asshole who's reading my internal monologue even though I told you not to. You know my basic emotions. Have fun with that knowledge.
