Adam [BOOK ONE]

XVI

How do you console the inconsolable?

"Why do all the bad things happen to me?"

I had decided that instead of going back to my house and sitting in silence while we processed things, that we should go to a small park that was in the middle of town. It was beautiful, large trees, flowers all blooming, and a small pond right in the middle. We sat with our legs crossed, throwing rocks into the water and watching them splash and then drown.

"They don't. You have to see more positivity in things."

"What the fuck could possibly be positive about this?"

"He's alive. Did you actually stop and think that he could have wandered too far and never come back or be found dead? Yes, this is a shit situation and trust me I'm just as upset as you, but let's not get down."

"I don't know how to do life," Adam stood up, brushing his pants off and sitting on a wooden bench.

"What does that even mean?"

"Life throws me punches and I don't know how to take them. When most people get knocked, they can get back up, I stay and I waddle in my shit forever. I don't know how to do this shit. How do I take things in stride as people say? Life has fucked me since I was born and I still don't know how to take it."

"The great thing about not knowing something is that you can always learn," I stood up and slid next to him.

"When your brother died," he cleared his throat, "what'd you do?"

"I cried, a lot. I cursed, I screamed, I did everything. I didn't sleep, didn't eat, things were rough."

"How'd you change it?"

"I realized that my screaming and crying wasn't affecting anything. I would cry all die and night and he would still be dead. We have to learn how to deal with things because there are a lot of things beyond our control."

Adam didn't say anything and neither did I. I wanted to give him time to process, time to truly think about not only the current things going on but life in general. He stared out at the water, a blank look on his face. His eyes fixated on the small ducks and frogs and all the wildlife buzzing in the area.

"Elena I-," he whispered it so quietly I almost didn't catch it. I looked at him, studying his face but he simply shook his head, "nevermind."

"Tell me," I nudged his shoulder with my arm.

"I'm really glad you're in my life."

My heart fluttered a little and stomach was housing butterflies. He hadn't even looked at me when he said it, but for some reason, I could see his little smile in my head. I wanted him to be happy, even though most of the times it seemed like a struggle for him, he deserves happiness.

"I'm glad you're here too Adam."

He turned to face me, "I mean-"

"What is it, Adam? You can tell me anything."

"You mean so much to me, you've been there for me. You're kind and sweet and my brain is blurring the lines in my head."

"What lines?"

"The lines between friend and," he paused, "lover."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. Adam's eyes were rimmed with tears and his face was filled with sorrow. I didn't know how I felt about him, I had honestly never really considered him as anything more than a friend.

"I shouldn't have said anything, I've just made things weird."

"I'm glad you did, it's good to know how you feel."